The States Where You're Most Likely To Date A "Trainwreck"

Photo: Courtesy Of Universal Studios.
Today marks the long-awaited release of Trainwreck, starring Amy Schumer as a purposefully unattached, responsibility-shy mens' magazine writer who's caught off-guard by potential monogamy. She's a "trainwreck," a.k.a. a pretty fun time. Whether you're trying to avoid them or are seeking them out, we've compiled everything you need to find the trainwreck of your dreams.

We know that right now is a pretty good time to be on the lookout — there are more single, never-marrieds in the U.S. than ever before. This trend is especially evident among those in their 20s and 30s (perfect trainwreck age). But location has a lot to do with your chances of being married, too. An analysis by Harvard researchers suggests that living in more liberal areas is correlated with a lower likelihood of being married by age 26. This is especially evident in big cities like NYC and San Francisco.

We also know that Amy Schumer's particular trainwreck loves a drink (or four). And, looking at drinking statistics, we can see a few interesting patterns. First, in an analysis conducted by smartphone breathalyzer company BACTrack, New England states consistently showed the highest blood alcohol concentration during the boozy holiday season. But, New York and California both hovered near the middle of the data — not too much, not too little.

Other drinking data, however, makes this more complicated. In a ranking of states that drink the most per capita, New York ranked 13th and Rhode Island came in at 18th. The three biggest-drinker states, however (Oregon, Colorado, and Alaska), were all a little too rugged for our trainwrecks.

Then, of course, there are other drugs. In a Gallup analysis of mood-altering drug use data — which included alcohol among other legal and illegal substances — New York and California actually ranked among the drug-averse states. But, mirroring the blood alcohol data, Rhode Island got second place, meaning a higher percentage of its residents used these drugs. Looking specifically at pot use (Amy's drug of choice), Rhode Island is still up there — 30% of RI folks between 18 and 25 and nearly 10% of those over the age of 25 report indulging in some weed within the past month.

Unsurprisingly, those drug-addled states don't do too hot in the most recent Gallup-Healthways Well-Being Index — but they don't do too badly, either. Focusing just on states that rank highly on measures of social and financial well-being, New Jersey, Connecticut, New York, and Massachusetts stand out. But, this is where Rhode Island drops out — the state ranks highly only on financial and physical well-being.

Finally, trainwrecks are nothing if not confident. Perhaps our most important finding was that, in a ranking of the most boastful states, California, Washington, and Nevada come out on top. New Jersey ranked 9th and New York came in 10th.

So, what have we learned from this highly scientific analysis? Well, it seems like trainwrecks are most likely to be found in states with big cities, probably on the east coast. Your ultimate best bets are Rhode Island, New Jersey, and New York, but also our western cousin, California. But, it's important to note that "trainwreck" doesn't automatically mean a full-on disaster — that's not what most people are after. We're talking about someone at the "relatively tame pot-smoking and potential one-night stand" level. If you're interested, get out there and meet (or avoid) your trainwreck this weekend.

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