5 Wardrobe Malfunction Horror Stories That'll Remind You Life Isn't So Bad

If you've ever ripped your pants, chances are it was probably raining and you'd just gotten fired from your job. Because if there's one thing we can all agree on, it's that a broken heel always comes at the most inconvenient times.

The most comforting part, though, is that we've all been there. And some have definitely had it worse than others. Below, five folks anonymously shared their stories of #OOTDs backfiring so badly, they'll hopefully make your own mishaps feel that much smaller. Note: We're not just talking red sauce on your white jeans. We're talking fashion flukes that rendered themselves so discombobulated that the idea of a swift recovery was slim to none.
Illustrated by Anna Sudit.
The Clinger
"I had just started interning at a fashion and lifestyle site I was obsessed with, and I was so incredibly excited. Also, so nervous. The first day, I hardly moved from my desk and didn't eat because I was too shy to ask anyone for a nearby lunch recommendation. Thankfully by the second day, I got over it. I tossed my coat over my shoulders — a long, bright red wool coat with a belt that tied around my waist — walked through the small studio office, out the door, and a couple blocks away to the closest deli.

"But as I was standing in the middle of the packed lunch spot, putting together a salad, my back suddenly felt weird. I couldn't fully move or bend; it felt like I was up against a wall. Or maybe I pulled something? So, I reached behind me and felt something…familiar. A hook. A hanger hook. And as I loosened my coat belt, I pulled out a big, white, plastic hanger hook attached to a big, white, plastic hanger that I had unknowingly strapped flat against my red-coat-covered back before I walked outside. Past everyone in the office. And anyone else who was in Tribeca, on Broadway, during lunchtime on a weekday.

"Instead of standing in the middle of the deli staring at the hanger in my hand, I ran behind the counter and threw it into the first trash can I could find. I'm sure I heard at least a few people laughing as I fumbled to get rid of the evidence."
Illustrated by Anna Sudit.
"I threw out my back during the first day of Fashion Week (that's what I get for wearing heels just once), and had to rely on adhesive heat pads to be able to get around for the rest of the week. On the last day, I went to a fashion presentation on one of the hottest days of the year, and I was sweating through my outfit. As I waited my turn to interview the designer, I could feel the adhesive start to unstick itself from the pad and start sliding down my skirt. Before I could hide somewhere to discreetly remove it, a PR representative pulled me over to the designer — and as soon as I stuck out my hand, the pad slipped off my back, through my skirt, and plopped on the floor. I tried to kick it away, but the force of the drop made the adhesive stick to the ground, and I ended up just covering the entire pad with both feet, and starting the interview, refusing to acknowledge what I was covering up because I couldn't bear to have a conversation about what just fell out of my butt.

"Now that I wrote it, I realize that this isn't really a wardrobe malfunction…and more of just a gross thing that happened."
Illustrated by Anna Sudit.
When "Fashionably Late" Gets Too Real
"I was wearing a dress to work that I had specifically picked out because it was office-appropriate but would still look super-cute on my Tinder date later. Around 5 p.m., as I was trying to get everything done to leave on time, I tried to stand up — and realized I couldn't. After some gentle tugging, I realized that the pretty full skirt on my dress had gotten caught under my desk chair. After a little more tugging, I realized it wasn't coming undone. I sent an email to another young female coworker asking for her help. After dissolving in laughter, she walked across the office and discovered that she, too, couldn't get the dress out of the chair. It had gotten completely tangled in the metal gears below the seat. I really didn't want to fuck up the dress to get out of my chair, so I wheeled myself across the entire office (and past all my coworkers), and into a dark storage room.

"I unzipped the dress, then slithered out of the chair and on the floor to undress. Then, without my body weight on the chair, I was hoping I would be able to better pull the fabric out of the metal gears. With some finagling, I was able to pull it out with just a little bit of tearing — but the whole saga of course meant I hadn't been able to finish up all the work I had to do. Which meant I had to tell my date. I was too frazzled to come up with a passable lie, so I had to text him the truth: 'Sorry, I'm running late, I got stuck to my chair!'"
Illustrated by Anna Sudit.
Every Dancing Queen's Worst Nightmare
"I went through a phase in my early 20s where I was really going for it when it came to self-expression. I was going really big with my style, my personality, and with my dance moves…really doing my damnedest to make my mark on NYC and showing the world who I was.

"My dance moves were pretty wild…I'd do high kicks, floor moves, lunges, maybe even a cartwheel or two — and my pants on, not one, but two occasions — just couldn't handle it. Mid-dance spectacle, the pants split up the seam.

"It's an interesting feeling when you split your pants because you might not realize it except that all of a sudden you feel the air caressing your derriere. It's a subtle sensation but an alarming one. On both occasions it took me a minute to realize what was going on and then, slightly mortified, I had to go from being the center of attention to trying to make myself as invisible as possible, backing out of the room, down the stairs, and into a cab home."
Illustrated by Anna Sudit.
Thanks, Mom and Dad
"One time, when I was nine or 10, I broke out in a mysterious rash on my torso that started to spread around my body. It was a Friday night, and although I was uncomfortable, my parents just put me to bed after Shabbat dinner like they always did (nice Jewish upbringing).

"But then at 11 p.m., they changed their minds and decided to take me to the emergency room. They woke me up and very quickly got me dressed. We actually weren't waiting in the ER for too long (note: having a "rash of undetermined origin" bumps you to the front of the line very quickly), but while we were, I became nauseous and started throwing up (note: throwing up also moves you to the front of the line).

"I was always a good thrower-upper, and immediately bolted to the very large industrial-sized trash can, which went up to my chest. But as I started heaving, my pants fell down. Turns out that in their haste to get me ready, my parents had forgotten to button my pants. And, of course, everyone saw, because I was violently throwing up in the middle of the room.

"The silver lining is that I had clean underwear on and was too disoriented to even care."


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