Some of the bridesmaid dresses are now on sale.
If you have yet to purchase, it’s probably best to do so ASAP!
Please hurry and do not forget. And make sure you buy silver heels too if you don’t have any. Small jewelry
is best, no big bangles
please! If you haven’t told me whether you want your hair and makeup done let me know ASAP. It’s $150 for each. Can’t
DG: No idea — we need to know!
Kate: I know! WTF. Will you ask her?
DG: Ugh. OK. I hate this. HATE IT!
I put on my big-girl pants and texted the maid of honor. I’d like you to note the smiley face in the following exchange, because it’s the ultimate 21st-century symbol of passive-aggressive bullshit behavior. DG: Hey Lauren! Do you know where we’re staying yet? Just trying to figure out budget :)
Lauren: In Bali!
Kate: WTF we need to know!
DG: I know! This is so awkward
Kate: What do we do? The rooms might end up being $500 and I won’t be able to go. Allie will kill me Kate’s texts set my imagination ablaze. I had visions of us sipping Dom Pérignon and cackling as we gorged on Maine lobsters. We went back and forth playing the martyrs and getting creative with emoticon combinations to let out our frustration, like pairing a crying face with the stack of money that has wings attached to it, or the gun with the slot machine. The emoji of the girl getting the head massage is a perennial favorite of mine. It captures just how I’m feeling when stressed: soulless, two-dimensional, and desperately in need of a temple rub. A few days after the Bali text, I got an email from Lauren. Turns out she actually was in Bali when she texted, so the joke was on me I guess. When I wrote back, I didn’t use any smiley faces or emojis. I explained to Lauren that some of us were on a budget and needed to start planning for the weekend, and, wouldn’t you know, she didn’t blackball me or call me a penniless nuisance. She totally understood. Turns out, doctors need to budget too, or at least they remember what it’s like. We got on the phone and had an honest and productive talk about feathered boas and hotel rooms, and just when we were settled on a budget and a plan, I blurted, “We should have a lingerie shower too!” Curse my stupid Southern roots. If you don’t know, a lingerie shower is a bachelorette party “must” where I’m from. Sometime during the weekend, usually before dinner on the first night, you sit around sipping cocktails out of penis straws and everyone gives the bride-to-be some sort of lingerie gift. It can be sexy and pretty, or it can be a “slutty cheerleader outfit” and some anal beads. It’s best to do it in a public place like a hotel lobby or a bar, for maximum mortification. The point is, it’s an extra cost and I don’t know why I suggested it. Well, I do know. When you love your friends, you want to do nice things for them for their bachelorette or bachelor party, even if it costs extra. Lauren agreed to the lingerie shower but then added, “I’m so afraid to ask people to spend money. Would you mind telling everyone so people can plan?” Fair enough. I crafted a beautiful email extolling the virtues of the lingerie shower, explaining how much fun it would be. “You can get her a teddy or you can get something funny like a Door Jam Sex Sling and really embarrass her!!” There were a few smiley faces in that email, as you can imagine. In the end, everyone was more than happy to do it, even Kate. Or at least they pretended to be happy and then sent each other pissed-off, hysterical texts behind my back. I’ll never know. Once we’d agreed on a hotel and a food budget that worked for everyone, spending the money on our friend was a pleasure instead of a burden. Just remember that when wedding season starts taking over your life, you need to plan ahead, communicate, grin and bear it, and never, ever let the bride or groom see you stress about money. You can do that in secret, using as many emoji as you need. Once you’ve agreed on the plan and you’re all together for the night or weekend, you better jump in and have fun. Or, if you really can’t afford to fly to the Bahamas for your friend’s nuptials, don’t beat yourself up or go into debt over it. If she’s a true friend, she’ll understand.