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Honest policy: I’m struggling. Life is so different. Since last August, I’ve been a pageant queen, a bachelor contestant, and the Bachelorette. I’ve been in love with multiple people, I got engaged, I broke off an engagement, and I shared it all with millions of people. My faith has been questioned by thousands who don’t know my heart, and my transparency with my decisions has labeled me promiscuous. Simultaneously, I’ve become a role model for young women and started bigger conversations around faith, and sex. // I’m living on my own for the first time and shuffling through this life of next steps with press, media, and opportunities galore. I miss my friends and family who have watched my life explode. I feel guilty because I don’t have the time or emotional capacity to fill each of them in on my life right now. I can’t keep up with the people who matter most, because I can barely keep up with my own life right now. // I am not complaining about this past year of adventures. The woman who has emerged would shock the mirror-image young girl from a year ago. I have so many blessings to be thankful for. However it’s uncharted territory for me, and it’s been hard to really process what the heck is going on. // Maybe I needed write this out to remind myself I’m human and it’s okay to be overwhelmed. And maybe, I just needed to remind you guys too. Life is beautiful, but wild. I think it’s okay to be strong-to know you’re strong-but to still feel weak simultaneously. I believe that’s when the magic happens. My spirit has opportunity to grow and blossom from this place. Healing and restoration can happen. I can rest knowing that My Savior has compassion and wants to help and love me through this journey. I’ve just got to let Him. I don’t know if I have been lately— but I am now because honestly, I think I would give out if I didn’t. So yeah, I’m not going to struggle to disguise my weakness— I’m just gonna give over the keys to my main man Jesus and let him bless me through this ride. Isaiah 54:10
and the hills be removed,
yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken
nor my covenant of peace be removed,”
says the Lord, who has compassion on you."