Let me preface this by saying that Chad is the absolute worst. In simple terms he’s that typical lazy, still lives with his mom, monotone fuckboy that we have all been warned about. So, why the hell would we want him around if some horror movie drama is about to go down? Because he’s literally unkillable.
Former cast member John Mulaney returned to SNL as the host this week and in the sketch “The Unknown Caller,” he did his best to terrorize Chad.
“Do you want to play a game?” Mulaney’s masked person asks upon dialing man-child Chad. “Oh, no thanks,” is all Chad cheerily says before hanging up. Of course, the masked killer calls back, but Chad remains unbothered as their conversation continues.
Chad walks through his house with no pants on, oddly giggles at the word “slit,” and doesn’t notice the delivery guy’s abdomen has been sliced like it was pizza. He just takes the food that he didn’t even order and goes on his merry way. Later, Chad struggles to turn on the patio light under Mulaney’s character’s directions despite this being his home.
Apparently, Chad’s girlfriend’s decapitated head is stashed outside, though upon hearing this from the caller, Chad’s only response is that Ashley was not his girlfriend — “we just fuck.” See? Chad is absolutely the worst, and yet somehow we’re still rooting for him.
Finally, the masked caller has had enough and arrives in the living room. His mask looks like more deranged Ninja Turtle than a serial killer, but still creepy nonetheless. Chad continues watching TV like nothing’s happening.
"We grew up together. You called me every name in the book, except my own: Ferguson Tuddle," Mulaney says, removing his mask to reveal the worst haircut in the history of serial killers. However, Tuddle's revenge plot ends quicker than it would take for Chad to say “oh word” again, as he slips on a slice of pizza and stabs himself by accident.
Is Chad’s miraculous survival because Tuddle is the world’s worst serial killer, or is it simply because evil (i.e. Chad) doesn’t die so easy? You be the judge.