The Consuelos family is slowly taking over Riverdale. First, patriarch Mark Consuelos entered the fray in season 2 as the often whispered about Hiram Lodge, father of Veronica (Camila Mendes), alleged businessman, and definite mobster. Then we found out Consuelos’ 21-year-old son Michael Consuelos would join Riverdale as the teen version of his dad's CW crime boss. Finally, just ahead of Michael’s Riverdale debut in flashback-heavy “The Midnight Club,” Kelly Ripa — wife of Mark, mom of Michael, and daytime TV powerhouse — announced she’ll be playing present day Hiram’s mistress.
While it’ll be some time until we meet Ripa’s other woman character, viewers are finally treated to Michael-As-Hiram with the debut of Wednesday night's “The Midnight Club.” Teen Hiram is much edgier than anyone could have expected — and so is his love story with Hermione.
Hiram first comes up in “Midnight Club’s” flashback portion when Teen Hermione (Camila Mendes) starts complaining about her unseen mom being “all up in” her relationship with young Mr. Lodge. Teen Fred (KJ Apa doing an impression for the ages) gushes, “dude is ripped;” Teen Penelope (Madelaine Petsch) counters that Hiram is merely a “petty criminal.”
For Hermione, Hiram — “a self-starter” as she calls him — is a ticket out of her working class life and Riverdale as a whole. Goodbye, mom scrubbing hotel toilets, hello, ill-begotten fortune.
This is all we know about Hiram when we finally meet him around “Midnight Club’s” mid-point. Hiram has tripped into the surprise other group of Gryphon & Gargoyles players at Riverdale High (the titular Midnight Club of Hermione, Fred & Co. are the primary group). While Fred, Hermione's other love interest, is the Radiant Knight, it seems Hiram is some other type of more brutal warrior. He's all decked out in a leather vest and wielding a massive axe. Gallant and chivalrous knight, Hiram was not.
Eventually the group is invited by the mysterious Gargoyle King to an ascension party at the school. While whichever mysterious puppet master behind the murderous bash set up the snacks — killer puppet masters love snacks! — it’s Hiram who makes the get-together a real party. Teen Hiram offers everyone fizzle rocks, Riverdale’s newest street drug. Upon hearing Michael Consuelos rave about his latest product, you realize just how much the young actor sounds like his dad.
First, Hiram downs a massive amount of fizzle rocks. Everyone else follows his lead, except for a pregnant Alice Smith (Lili Reinhart). Hiram is officially, unquestionably a drug dealer. Penelope rolls her eyes at Hermione, reminding her of that earlier “petty criminal” comment.
The burgeoning crook barely factors into ascension night after that. Hiram can be seen dancing during the Fred Heads’ drugged-out “Dream” performance, and manically wrestling with Dylan Doiley (Major Curda, playing his late character Dilton’s dad). When the body of Principal Featherhead (Breakfast Club alum Anthony Michael Hall) is inevitably found, Hiram is with his BFF Dylan again, along with Reggie Mantle’s dad (played by Riverdale's usual Reggie, Charles Melton).
We only hear from Teen Hiram two more times in the episode. The first time arrives when all 10 of the RHS G&G players meet to figure out what happened to Featherhead and ultimately decide to destroy the game. Hiram is the one who reminds the group Alice is the only person who saw Featherhead before his murder. The second time Hiram pipes up is when Riverdale shows us Hermione choosing a life with her future law-breaking husband, rather than Fred and any wishes her hard-working mom may have had. Hiram gives Hermione a pearl necklace, much like the one Veronica will one day wear.
“Where did you get it?” Hermione asks. “Don’t you worry about that, mi amor,” Michael-As-Hiram purrs, reminding us one last time just how much he sounds like his dad.
It seems Michael Consuelos’ father is proud of his performance, as the OG Hiram, Mark Consuelos, captioned an Instagram photo with his son, “Tonight he plays the younger and better looking #hiramlodge … So proud of you MJC.”
Don’t be surprised if Riverdale starts creating new reasons to bring back Teen Hiram Lodge and his criminal ways.
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