The Holiday Eating Guide You Actually Need

This week, millions of Americans, will celebrate one of our nation’s oldest and most sacred traditions: standing in Hudson News and reading magazines without paying for them.

That includes me, too. Come Thanksgiving morning, I will be loitering in a newsstand, waiting for my train to be announced, while flipping through the holiday issues of every women’s magazine on the racks. Holiday issues are my favorites, not just because they get me excited for the festivities to come, but also because they are comforting in their familiarity. Every year, you’ve got your glittery eye-makeup tricks, your gift guides full of items you’d actually prefer to buy for yourself, and of course, the wine spritzers. You know — those little party tips reminding you that one tablespoon of eggnog has 80,000 calories, so why not opt for something lighter? Like a white wine spritzer!

It wouldn’t be the holidays without panic over calories, and thus every holiday issue must, by decree, include pointers on how to cut them out or burn them off. I’m not trying to bash my own industry here, and I give credit where it’s due. We’ve come a long way in women’s media, with some mags banning “bikini body,” and other outlets (like this one) refusing to advocate weight loss or dieting. But there’s something about the holidays that brings out the nostalgic in all of us, for better or worse. Thus, each year, we gather round the newsstands, and read about swapping out stuffing for a nice low-carb, high-fiber squash. It’s tradition.

But some traditions are made to be broken. So, this year, I present to you the anti-diet guide to “holiday eating” (i.e. eating). These are the crucial tips I’ve picked up, designed to help you enjoy the festivities, or at least get through them unscathed. The truth is that eating — like everything else — gets more stressful around the holidays, and we could all use a little support. What we don’t need is more food panic. Here, you’ll find no bullshit, no calorie counts, and no spritzers. Unless you want one.