to the most beautiful man I have ever known, and my best friend: yesterday marks 5 years since you've left us, and I still feel you all around me every day, all the time. I feel as though I understand you more and more as I begin to understand myself in these formative years, and although it can't ever replace the years I've lost with you, I know I am never without you because you are in me :) I am so happy every day, dad, and so is Claire. Both of your girls are following their bliss and living their great adventure. Taking no prisoners, loving all they can and eating ice cream bars and overly salted popcorn in bed. I wish you could meet all of the amazing people I've brought into my life and know how safe and loved I am. I know that wherever you are you know all of this, and you laugh at me when I speak as though you're gone. You taught me how to love, and you are love to me. The gift that you have given to me and Claire, the intense pain and loss, has brought a clarity, a deep human connection, an empathy and a color to our lives in a way that nothing else could. I can never go back to who I was before, and I would never want to. You still teach me lessons every day, and make me laugh as the lessons you instilled at a young age begin to settle into my bones and make more sense. You set me up for the best life imaginable, and I plan to make your proud every single day and never waste it. I love you eternally, and can't wait to see you again, maybe in our next life as we find each other over and over. Forever your best friend, and your little girl.