Armie Hammer's Instagram Feed Is Here To Inspire & Confuse You

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Meet Armie Hammer. Hammer (real name Armand Douglas Hammer) had a relative who held a large amount of stock in Arm & Hammer (the baking soda brand with the bicep in the logo) which is the reason why he has this memorable nickname. It's punny.
Hammer is also an actor. He starred as the Winklevoss twins in 2010's The Social Network (no, he doesn't have a twin in real life — that was some other actor wearing a green mask so Hammer's face could be super-imposed over his own). Since then, the 30-year-old actor has acted in a variety of roles ranging from spy-thriller (The Man from U.N.C.L.E) to a Tom Ford drama (Nocturnal Animals) to a new age Western (Free Fire). He's also set to star in one of the stand-out romance films from Sundance (Call Me By Your Name). Looks and personality-wise, he's like a blonde Jon Hamm (in terms of both height and silliness). Career-wise, he's slating himself to be the new and improved Bradley Cooper.
But, before he becomes really, really famous — we absolutely need to make fun of his Instagram. Because it is the weirdest and most delightful thing I have ever encountered. Not only is it a good glimpse into the mind and life of Hammer, but it's also a gold mine of embarrassing photos of the actor long before he was famous for his naughty Twitter likes.
Here, we see Hammer with the most severe bowl cut of all time.
Next, we have Hammer with ice blonde hair, and a tiny Maltese dog. His pose is... incredible. Please also note the caption: "Wtf..."


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He's just growing up before our eyes, from bowl cuts to dye jobs to party hats and cigars. (He looks a little too young for that tobacco action, but to each his own.)


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Now, as a nearly bonafide movie star, he is becoming quite the jet-setter. And he wants his followers to know that as he is traveling the world, he keeps is fucking real.
He takes selfies with flight attendants.
And with koalas. Even ones that possibly gave him chlamydia. (This is apparently a thing.)
When he isn't working, he's grilling, eating, and running his Texas bakery, Bird Bakery, with his wife, Elizabeth. (The couple have two really cute kids, too.)

I mean have you even seen anything sexier?! It's a BBQ, a smoker, and flat top griddle, and a fire pit!!

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He even gives insight on how he cooks the steak — a real budding Jamie Oliver.
He even brings his own meat to work.

When it's prep time for tomorrow at the bakery but all you want is steak....

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So, so much meat.
Also, if you happen to live in the Midwest, take the journey over to Hammer's bakery and support our man.
He's also funny.

When the people yell, "Henry!!" You have to give them what they want.

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And has impeccable taste.

It's Sunday. And Wife left her caftan lying around. And I found a mimosa. The rest is self explanatory.

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Anyways, love ya Armie, mean it.

RIP chest hair....

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