Beyoncé Has A Snapchat & Everyone Is Freaking Out

We guess it's a big week for universe-shaking discoveries. First, we found out that there are seven Earth-sized planets orbiting a distant sun. Now, we find out that Beyoncé has a freaking Snapchat. We don't know which is better.
One offers a faint glimmer of hope that we might one day escape the nightmare our ruined Earth, provided that we crack an uncrackable code. The other is some bullshit planets. You heard it here first, folks: The planets are bullshit compared to Beyoncé's Snapchat. Take that, Neil DeGrasse Tyson. Nerd.
Beyoncé broke the news in a typically subtle way. She did so by posting an Instagram photo of herself and daughter Blue Ivy at the NBA All-Star Game. But, twist, she did so using the dang deer filter.


A post shared by Beyoncé (@beyonce) on

Yeah, that's some Snapchat-exclusive content right there. That's the $22 billion IPO valuation at work.
We should say that the likelihood of Beyoncé revealing her Snapchat name is just about zero. Bey is notoriously particular about how she presents her public image. She also has the operational security to go along with it. Hell, we didn't even know she was pregnant until she released a carefully curated photoshoot. The chances of her Snapchat name trickling out are just about nil. Unless some incredibly unethical journalist that wants to be blackballed from ever interviewing celebrities again gets cute and reverse-searches using her cell phone. That's also unlikely because stars of that magnitude rarely if ever give out their personal number and change it at the slightest hint that it's been compromised. That's how you have scenarios like my friend's dad randomly getting assigned Dr. Dre's number and receiving a bunch of voicemails looking for Dre.
Given all that, and given that she would most likely never post to the app should she be outed, there's almost no chance that we're given a window into Beyoncé's private life. More likely is that she eventually creates a public account, because she's bowing to some industry or public pressure. The end result is the same: No access that Beyoncé doesn't vet herself.
So, what's the reaction? Utter pandemonium. Just kidding, but there are a lot of people asking to know her Snapchat name. The general tenor is as follows.
Just tell us, Snapchat. The world needs this.

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