Escaped Unicorn Captured By Police

It’s been exactly a year since the greatest day in Internet history. February 26, 2015 saw the discovery of The Dress and a pair of llamas gallivanting through Sun City, Arizona. Today, as Groucho Marx foretold, history has repeated itself first as tragedy and then as farce. The tragedy came in the form of this adidas jacket, which some are seeing as green and gold and others are seeing as a sad reminder that we, as a society, are so desperate for stimulus that Donald Trump is successfully running for President. The farce was much more lighthearted as a unicorn escaped from a child’s birthday party, requiring the CHP to employ a helicopter to bring it to justice. Not a real unicorn, but a white pony with a fake horn that broke free of her handler. Twice. The first time, Juliette (that’s the unicorn) was captured in short order. The second, she burst through her bonds and into the relative freedom of Madera Ranchos, California, a town near Fresno. “The search became so desperate that the local police had to use a helicopter and thermal imaging to locate the pony, which was hiding out in an orchard,” KTLA reports. That’s surprising, because even being forced to play dress up in a cruel charade of what might have been, raising the hopes of children over and over just to dash them on the cruel rocks of reality, and seeing sadness continually overcome the faces of the young... Well, even all that seems preferable to being free in Fresno. But the real question remains: When are we going to have escaped llamas dressed as unicorns. Let's make llamacorns happen, people.