Everything That's Wrong With Harry Potter, In Text-Message Form

Photo: Courtesy of Henry Holt and Co.
In Mallory Ortberg's ridiculously clever new book, Texts From Jane Eyre, the cocreator of The Toast imagines the conversations that would take place between your favorite literary characters if they had texting capabilities. We already named it one of our books you need to read this fall, and now it's so close we can text it.
Texts From Jane Eyre is officially available as of tomorrow, but Ortberg was kind enough to annotate one of our favorite sections for a sneak peek.
That's right, it's the imagined texts from the Harry Potter crew. They may be able to Apparate and fetch things with their wands, Matilda-style, but ask them to produce a ballpoint pen or operate an iPhone and we finally have a leg up on those wizards and witches. Allow Ortberg to elaborate further:
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"I'm hardly the first to point out it's a little terrifying that wizards in the world of Harry Potter don't ever seem to take a single course on math or penmanship or anything that isn't magic. I fear for Ron — lovely, dim Ron — in the real world (I fear for all of them, but I love Ron the most, so he gets the majority of my concern). He's a trusting boy who almost certainly has never been taught what fractions are, and he's going to run into trouble."
Read Ortberg's imagined texts between Hermione and Ron ahead. There is definitely a Nigerian prince involved. Poor Ron.
Photo: Courtesy of Henry Holt and Co.
Photo: Courtesy of Henry Holt and Co.
Photo: Courtesy of Henry Holt and Co.
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