If Succession patriarch Logan Roy is daddy, then that makes Kendall Roy baby. It’s ironic that he would be the most “I’m baby” of his siblings, especially considering Roman’s Everest-sized mommy and daddy issues, but there we are. He is baby.
Shuttering an entire company that he purchased because his daddy told him to, is baby. Almost crying over Greg buying him cheap park coke is peak baby. But no behaviour is more baby than performing an amateur rap for Logan’s blow-out 50-year anniversary work party.
In the most unhinged scene of this season so far, Kendall, who may or may not be hot, hops on stage during the celebration to honour his father, and starts to take off his jacket, promising an unforgettable tribute. Roman thinks he is going to masturbate onstage to a photo of Logan, but no, it’s actually even more disturbing. Kendall Roy raps. As in, he dances around the stage rapping a song that he himself wrote, with the help of DJ Squiggle. He’s even wearing a personalised baseball jersey with “L OG 50” on the front and “Roy 50” on the back. The “L OG” refers both to a nickname for Logan, “Log,” (which no one except Cousin Greg has ever called him) and L-OG, as in Original Gangster. Kendall, what are you doing?
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Let me remind you all that the first time we ever met Kendall back in season one, he was in the backseat of a chauffeured Mercedes Benz rapping to “An Open Letter to NYC" by The Beastie Boys. His love of hip-hop, and his failed attempts at being cool (remember the sneakers he wore to the start-up?) are a staple of the show, so this whole rapping tribute shouldn’t come as a total and complete shock — but that doesn’t make it any less hilarious.
Without further ado, here are the lyrics rapped by Kendall in front of an atrium full of people at a black tie affair, in honour of his sweet daddy, Logan. In the words of Kendall, “Bitches be catty, but the king’s my daddy.”
“Check it!
Born on the North Bank, King of the East Side
Fifty years strong, now he’s rolling in a sick ride.
Handmade suits, raking in loot
Five-star general, y’all best salute
Bitches be catty, but the king’s my daddy.
Rock all the haters while he go roll a ‘rati
Squiggle on the decks, candy on the rise
[Chorus]
L to the O, G
Dude be the OG
Ay, and he playin’
Playin’ like a pro
L to the O, G
Dude be the OG
Ay, and he playin’
Playin’ like a pro
A1 ratings, 80k wine,
Never gonna stop baby, fuck Father Time!
Bro, don’t get it twisted, I’ve been through hell
But since I stan Dad, I’m alive and well.
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Shaper of views, creator of news
Father of many, paid all his dues.
So don’t try to run, your mouth at the king
Just shut up bitch, and kiss the ring.
L to the O, G
Dude be the OG
A.N. he playin’
Playin’ like a pro
When I say L you say O-G
L to the O - G
L to the Motherfuckin’ OG.”
Let’s break these down those adorable lyrics, shall we? “King of the East Side” refers to Logan’s overall dominance as arguably the most famous person from the city of Dundee in Scotland. Located in the eastern part of the country, it is the country’s fourth largest city. It also now houses the Logan Roy School of Journalism. Fun fact: Cox is actually from Dundee in real life.
After that lovely prelude, Kendall then goes on to remind everyone just how rich and powerful Logan is, from his handmade suits to his flashy cars and expensive wine. He also shouts out all of Logan’s haters, telling them to back off.
Next is a part of the rap that was difficult to hear because of Roman’s complaints over how embarrassing his big brother is, but I think he talks about a Maserati and haters or something.
And now, the best part: The chorus. Kendall somehow squeezes in a chant, an “ay,” and “dude” — all in four lines. The chorus also correlates with Kendall’s jersey, which is a nod to the bougie wool baseball caps Logan sports on the daily, as well as the first episode of the show, during which his infamous million dollar home run bet went down. Oh, and when Logan almost died. Good times.
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Speaking of good times, Kendall also hints at his own struggles in lyrics (“Bro, don’t get it twisted, I’ve been through hell/ But I’m alive and well”), adding a personal, self-deprecating touch that rappers like The Weeknd and Drake would appreciate.
But the next two verses are the very best, in my humble opinion. Kendall rhymes news with dues — where was he when Tom and Greg were brainstorming new slogans for ATN in episode 6? Missed opportunity. He also gives a great “kiss the ring” allusion, comparing his dad to both the Pope and the Godfather.
In the words of Roman: “I think this might be the end of the company.”