Any self-respecting Keeping Up With The Kardashians fan will remember the now-infamous episode when Kourtney Kardashian slapped Jonathan Cheban across the face. It was the slap heard 'round the world. But only a true die-hard fan will remember what that argument was about and recognise it as the exact same drama unfolding in Calabasas right now.
In a newly released KUWTK preview ahead of the season 15 premier, the three eldest Kardashian sisters go off on each other, with a sobbing Kourtney yelling and complaining about Kim's cruelty.
“I’m not here to be mistreated by my fucking bitch family,” a crying Kourtney says when Khloé puts her on speakerphone. “Kim saying that I’m the least interesting to look at — who even speaks like that? You don’t say things like that. You guys just have really different values than me. I choose to be a mother to my three kids. I’m not here looking for another job. I already work enough — more than I would like to.”
All this as Kim tries to grab the phone from Khloé and launches into a tirade against Kourtney.
“What’s natural to me is being a mother,” Kourtney says through tears. “And I don’t expect everyone to have the same interests.”
It's worth a watch:
But how did this weird beef even start? And could it be just a contrived storyline to sell us on the season? Let's rewind to the very beginning. (Representation for Kim and Kourtney did not immediately respond to requests for comment.)
Why is everyone ganging up on poor Kourtney?
This all went down this past autumn, as the family was scheduling their annual Christmas card (Kristmas Kard) photoshoot. The family released the a photo a day from the series for each day of December, all leading up to Christmas Day. In a preview clip, Kim is trying to figure out how the shoot will fit into her busy calendar (a business meeting at 7a.m.???) while Kourtney sits on the side and says she will leave at 4p.m. on the dot no matter what. Kim keeps her cool until the annoying comments from Kourtney are just too much.
"Maybe if you had a fucking business that you were passionate about then you would know what it takes to run a fucking business," Kim fires back. "But you don't, so don't even act like you know what I'm talking about."
And then the rub from Kim: "[Kourtney] is the least exciting to look at."
Refresh my mind, how and why did that Cheban slap unfold? Why is that relevant here?
It's relevant because it's basically the same argument, but five years later. It all started when Kim told Kourtney, "You took two months off for the baby, are you going to wait until she's like 20 until you get back to work? Khloé and I can't keep on working for you and splitting it with you."
"Hasn't she been pregnant for like four years?" Cheban laughs, prompting Kourtney to turn her fury on him. Nearby, a visibly uncomfortable Khloé looked like she wanted to flee the room and a shocked but bemused Kim looked on in a mix of glee and horror. Cheban didn't stop there, adding: "My job is not collecting Kim's money as it falls out of her ass. Without Kim you'd be nothing, all you'd be doing is chasing Scott [Disick] in nightclubs every night. I don't know who told you that you're the queen of this castle that you don't need to work. [Kim] has been working for 365 days a year, while you've been pregnant and doing nothing. Scotts never going to marry you, you fucking bitch."
Kourtney slaps Cheban and he runs out in indignation.
I'm suspicious, isn't KUWTK all fake anyway?
I feel you. There's a reason why there are so many writers credited on the show, and frankly, most of the shoe's drama feels manufactured. You need look no further than The Cut's Keeping Up With The Kontinuity Errors to know that most of the scenes on the show are shot after the fact. I mean, if you had a PR nightmare and just happened to have a show, wouldn't you rewrite the narrative? What's that quote? History belongs to those who write it.
So, yes, it's all very suspicious. But, this has been an overarching theme for the Kardashians for years. Even Kris is not this brilliant.
I guess. Why do they keep fighting about work?
Even the most hateful troll will admit that the KarJenners hustle for every penny they earn. And it seems all the siblings, save for Kourtney, have found their thing — Kendall is a model; Khloé has a fashion line; Kylie is a cosmetics mogul; Kim does eve-ry-thing; and even Rob has his sock line Arthur George. Kourtney has somehow fallen through the cracks, unable to find a business venture that sticks.
The sisters and even Kris are always harping on Kourtney for her work ethic, blatantly insulting her, calling her lazy, uncooperative, and refusing to acknowledge her excuse of motherhood for not wanting to work as much. Obviously, that's bullshit. Wanting to spend more time with your children should never, ever be presented as laziness.
But, when the sisters book gigs, they often do so together. That means they split the earnings. (Kardashian says in the above video, "Khloé and I can't keep working for you — we're splitting it!") Splitting money with a person who didn't actually show up for work would get annoying over time, no matter the reason or relation. Kim has also worked throughout her pregnancies, returning to work soon after welcoming each of her three children. Khloé and Kylie also returned to work soon after. This is not to say that is how it should be for every mother, though. And just because Kourtney is a Kardashian doesn't mean she needs to work on the same speed and load as the rest of her family.
I don't know, I feel like I've seen episodes of Kourtney talking about home decor and...Manuka honey.
You mean her partnership with Manuka Doctor. That didn't really take off. And yes, Kourtney and Khloé appeared on the cover of Architectural Digest.
They seem like they were fine on social media these last few months.
You sure about that? Kim and Kourtney have been sharing passive aggressive posts and we never even noticed.
"Kim NOT included."
Or this dig about Kourtney's eating habits.
There's also this shady tweet from Kim just yesterday:
Oh word, did Kourt tell you this? She sure wanna live that Kardashian life though, and BTW this photo shoot was our Christmas card. Family memories we were creating. Just tune in before you start acting like you know things. https://t.co/9Gaobo5NuQ— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) August 2, 2018
What happens now?
Nothing. It's been months since this melodrama unfolded for the Kardashians in real life, and they've made strides to move on. Speaking with E! News, Kourtney said it's been a "process" reconciling with her family and that she's been working on communication: “I’ve been really working on myself a lot and I think through my growth, I’m better at expressing myself. I think in the past I’ve always been great at like not being emotional. I think that I’m better now at expressing my feelings."
And, honestly, if the Kardashians have taught us anything, it's that sisters will always be sisters.
Season 15 of KUWTK premieres in the UK on E! at 9pm on Sunday 12th August.