If, like Ruby, you’re facing the task of building back your self-esteem after a betrayal, know that although it isn’t easy, it is possible. While it’s important to work on relearning to trust your judgement and rebuilding your self-confidence, both in your decision-making and your view of yourself, Dr Arroll says it takes a lot of time and it’s important to honour that. As she explains, infidelity is a kind of "betrayal trauma" – the trauma that stems from having your trust broken by a loved one, intimate partner or trusted institution. Betrayal trauma can lead people to lose trust in their judgement of others but also of their own reality. "With betrayal trauma, there can be anger, sadness, frustration: a whole roller coaster of emotion," she says – and it’s vital that those feelings aren’t buried. "If we do try to push those feelings away, we can jump into some maladaptive types of behavioural patterns, like jumping into another relationship before we've really had time to process what's happened or turning to substances such as drugs or alcohol, or even doomscrolling on social media."