8 Golden Girls Plots That Don't Add Up

Photo: NBC/Photofest.
When you settle in for a mammoth marathon of The Golden Girls, certain things jump out at you. One: These ladies had a lot of sex. Two: Sophia Petrillo is a freaking national treasure. Three: Some story lines make absolutely no sense.

We're not referring to overtly far-fetched plots, like Dorothy continuing to find her ex-husband Stanley attractive, or the ladies somehow dating the same guy without knowing, or even Sophia getting lucky with Julio Iglesias. No, these issues have more to do with a lack of continuity. Characters disappear, actors who played one role return to play another, and personality traits emerge completely out of the blue. Also, Dorothy is 55 but is somehow a year or two out of a 38-year marriage? We know she got knocked up as a teen, but we're still calling bullshit.

Let's try to get to the bottom of this, shall we?

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Photo: NBC/Photofest.
Sophia The Polygamist
Remember that time Sophia married Max Weinstock in season 4? The lovebirds decide to separate but not divorce, in accordance with Sophia's Catholic faith. That doesn't seem to matter, though, by season 7's "Old Boyfriends," in which she briefly becomes engaged to a man, Marvin, whose wife is dying.
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Photo: Joseph Del Valle/NBC/NBCU Photo Bank via Getty Images.
Dorothy's Missing Grandchild
In season 3's "Mixed Blessings," Dorothy loses her shit when her 22-year-old son Michael announces he's engaged and expecting a child with a significantly older Black woman. Some off-color barbs are exchanged, everyone makes up, and the couple eventually gets married and (presumably) have a child. Come season 5's "All That Jazz," Michael and Lorraine have split up, and he's mooching off his parents. Funnily enough, his mystery child is never mentioned. Please tell us Dorothy didn't raise some deadbeat dad.
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Photo: Herb Ball/NBCU Photo Bank.
The Vanishing Housekeeper
We'd also like to file an APB for Coco, the wise-cracking gay housekeeper who cooks for the ladies in the pilot episode. Maybe Sophia put him out of work? Maybe his cheesecakes weren't up to snuff?
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Photo: NBC/Photofest.
Dorothy's Sudden Fear Of Flying
In season 3's "Nothing to Fear But Fear Itself," Dorothy reveals she's terrified of flying. Indeed, she's a nervous wreck as the girls fly to Rose's aunt's funeral, which is funny, considering she has no problem jetting off to the Caribbean or booking a Christmas flight to New York in season 2.
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Photo: ABC Photo Archives/ABC via Getty Images.
Rose Dates The Same Guy Twice
In case you're wondering why Harold Gould, the actor who played Rose's long-term boyfriend, Miles, in the show's later seasons, looks familiar, it's because he already dated Rosie. Gould also played Arnie, the man who pops Rose's post-Charlie cherry in season 1's "Rose the Prude." Back to Miles, though. Are we really supposed to believe he's running from the mob? If he's truly in the witness protection program, how does his daughter manage to come visit and act all dismissive of Rose?

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Photo: ABC Photo Archives/Getty Images.
Mas Enrique Mas
Another familiar face? Actor Chick Vennera played Rose's boss, consumer reporter Enrique Mas, at the TV station in two season 5 episodes. Eagle-eyed viewers will remember he also played the Shakespeare-reciting boxer Kid Pepe in season 4.
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Photo: NBC/Photofest.
Mommy Issues
What's the deal with Sophia's mother, exactly? She appears, played by Bea Arthur, in a flashback episode in which Dorothy is seen as a young woman. In another episode, Dorothy claims that the woman died when she was 6 years old. And according to Sophia's brother Angelo, she died 72 years prior. Which is it, writers?
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Photo: Alice S. Hall/NBC/NBCU Photo Bank via Getty Images.
Michael Math
If Dorothy's son Michael is 22 in season 3, just how is he around in the "Mother's Day" flashback circa 1954? That episode was filmed in 1988, which means Michael would have been 34 at the very least.

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