What Learning To Squirt Taught Me About My Body

Illustrated by Elliot Salazar.
This story was originally published on January 21st, 2016.

I didn’t have an orgasm until I was nearly 20 — and I certainly didn’t know much about squirting. When I’d have intercourse, there would be little spurts of fluid that came out of me, but I assumed it was pee and I would be very embarrassed by it and hold it in. I thought squirting was just a porn thing — a snazzy trick only special women were able to do, like how only certain people can curl their tongue into a clover. Shortly after I became orgasmic, I remember perusing a porn website and seeing a pop-up that advertised an educational series on squirting. I figured it was some marketing ploy, but being curious, I clicked on it anyway and watched the first video. A friendly, faceless male voice welcomed me as diagrams and cross sections of a vulva faded in and out. “Most women can squirt!” he assured me. I still wasn’t convinced. When I was 21, I began working at a sex toy shop in Manhattan. The job required me to spend two weeks in training, where I learned things about sex that I had never even heard or imagined before. When we got to the subject of squirting, my ears perked up, and since I had a real teacher as opposed to a random internet video at my disposal, all my questions came pouring out. I learned that squirting is another term for “female ejaculation.” It can happen during orgasm or separately from it. The bad news is that since reliable research about human sexuality is actually quite sparse, there are a lot of things about it that we still don’t know about squirting — like why it only happens to some women, or exactly what it is. (I could spend all day debunking squirt myths, because there’s an awful lot of them.)

I love squirting. It’s like an affirmation that I’m a living, breathing, fertile creature.

However, it absolutely is a real thing. I know this because I eventually taught myself to do it with the help of a very special book called Female Ejaculation & The G-Spot by Deborah Sundahl. If I ever meet her, I’m going to give her a big ol’ kiss on the forehead. I don’t think anyone does as good a job of discussing squirting as she does. For me, squirting is sometimes a voluntary emission and sometimes, it just comes out without any notice. In my B.S. (Before Squirting) days, when I held it in, what resulted was a very painful sensation in my bladder that just felt...wrong. Now, I love squirting partly because I’m letting my body release the fluids that build up in my bladder when I’m aroused. It’s like an affirmation that I’m a living, breathing, fertile creature. So, how do I squirt? Well, it usually takes a lot of intense thrusting and G-spot action. When it happens during intercourse, it’s usually with the aid of my Hitachi Magic Wand. When I squirt during masturbation, it’s usually thanks to a special G-spot dildo called the Pure Wand. I’ll keep going after I squirt and I usually don’t stop until I orgasm — and then I collapse, my mind goes blank, and my body feels like a lead brick. I’m sure I wasn’t alone in thinking that squirting wasn’t “real,” but exploring it has given me more confidence about my sexuality and my body’s natural processes. Like achieving orgasm, squirting is not crucial to sexual enjoyment and people who squirt aren’t having “better sex” than those who don’t. But it is a very real and intense, worthwhile sexual experience for a lot of women — and I’m one of them.

This month, we're sharing steamy personal stories, exploring ways to have even better sex, and wading through the complicated dynamics that follow us into the bedroom. Here's to a very happy February.
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