A few moments later, a cute girl that looked close in age walked up to me with a friend and invited me to the bed. I turned her down, still feeling like I couldn’t sleep with other women, like no one could measure up to my ex. I introduced her to my friend and they proceeded to the bed, where the girl climbed on top of my friend, and they rocked together rhythmically, the strap-on getting more action than most people do in one night. I watched for a little bit, excited by the spontaneity and the craziness of it all, and then wandered off on my own.
I came upon a hot woman with short hair and bright red lipstick. She smiled at me and beckoned for me to follow her. She meandered into a cubicle and sat on a bench, motioning for me to come and unzip her thigh-high boots. I slowly, methodically undressed her legs, and she smiled at me with a tantalizing swagger, which sent a shock up my spine. It was the first time I felt something since the breakup. It was like the first spot of sunlight after a long, miserable dark winter. Somehow, I knew this was her turn-on and that we weren’t going to venture any further together. I turned and left.
I came upon a man who was wandering through the coital corridors and, before I knew what I was doing, I signaled for him to join me in a cubicle, pushed him up against my backside, and bent over, ready to be taken. He put a condom on and we had sex. I felt in control. He was my muse. I guided him to quicken his pace and I came hard. I thanked him, gently pushed him away, and walked back out to find my friend. I had never seen his face. I didn’t care. For the first time in three months, my mind was clear and calm. I felt serene.
It wasn’t until the cold air hit my face as we left the club in the wee hours of the morning that I realized that the party was the first time in three months I hadn’t thought of her. For the first time in months, I felt free. In that very moment, a glimmer of hope worked its way into my heart that I might, in fact, be able to smile and maybe, one day, even love again.
This month, we're sharing steamy personal stories, exploring ways to have even better sex, and wading through the complicated dynamics that follow us into the bedroom. Here's to a very happy February. Check out more right here.