Feeling insecure is bound to be a part of any new relationship: Insecurities about whether or not someone will like you, whether they'll appreciate the carefully chosen aesthetic of your apartment, whether they noticed that weird sound your stomach made, whether they'll think you're pretty without any makeup on, and many, many more will definitely pop up.
But, eventually, those types of insecurities begin to fade. As you become more comfortable in a relationship, feelings of connection and trust should replace those little moments of worry. So, what happens when you can't get over the feeling that your partner no longer finds you attractive or could cheat on you at any moment?
While small insecurities are natural, bigger worries that call into question the trust you have with your partner could be detrimental to a relationship. If you're continually asking a partner to convince you that they find you interesting and attractive or that they enjoy having sex with you, that's going to put a strain on your relationship, says Frankie Bashan, PsyD, a professional matchmaker for queer women. It has the potential to drive a partner away.
Even if you don't voice your concerns to your partner, not dealing with insecurities will make both your relationship and your life less full. "When people are fearful, they start to narrow their lives," says Gail Grace, LCSW, a therapist with Park Avenue Relationship Consultants. So, if you're having these kinds of insecurities, it's vital to work through them.
Ahead, Grace and Dr. Frankie give their tips on how to get over your relationship insecurities. Hint: It's going to take a lot of self-reflection.
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