It’s A White Man’s Oscars — This Drinking Game Will Get You It Through

Photographed by Megan Madden.
This year's Academy Awards is, unfortunately, less than inspiring when it comes to diversity, so to get you through yet another very white male year of Oscars we've got the perfect drinking game. If you need a quick rundown of what's going on tonight, here's my take — a lot of white dudes are nominated for best director, the HFPA loved 1917 but I have no interest, and the true winner of the night will probably be whatever Billy Porter wears, if he attends. So pour yourself a quick glass of Johnnie Walker Gold or perhaps a Goldschlager soda (cue the Superbad nostalgia), and get ready to watch, drink, repeat.
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Quick note: please take these rules with a grain of salt and drink responsibly. Just like the pirate code, these are guidelines, not laws.

Oscars Drinking Game Rules

Drink every time a category has no people of color.
Drink every time a category has no women. 
Take a shot for every category that is all cis straight white men. 
Drink every time they say Saoirse Ronan's name wrong (or make a joke about how it's hard to pronounce).
Drink every time they show the cast/crew of Parasite and/or Cynthia Erivo to prove diversity. 
Drink every time they mention there is no host.
Drink every time they mention 1917 because what even is that movie?
Drink every time anyone from Hustlers or Booksmart is shown BECAUSE THEY WERE ROBBED.
Waterfall if they pull a La La Land/Moonlight snafu round two.
Drink every time somebody has a wardrobe malfunction.
Drink every time the music plays to cut a winner off.
Do a body shot every time Timothée does something thirstée.
Drink every time a winner tells their kids to go to bed.
Drink every time somebody gets political in their thank you speech.
Finish the whole bottle if someone plugs Tr*mp.
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