How To Make Giving Oral Sex Just As Hot As Receiving

Photographed by Lula Hyers.
To give is to receive, or so they say. While this altruistic sentiment might be applicable to many aspects of relationships, when it comes to oral sex, sometimes the giver is left to wonder what they're receiving, exactly? A bath from their own spit? A neck cramp? A jaw stretch?
Obviously, pleasuring your partner is not a burden, but performing oral sex can often feel like a chore — and that's not really fair. Interestingly, a 2016 study on 900 heterosexual Canadian college students found that 97.1% of men and 95.4% of women enjoy receiving oral sex. But giving oral sex was a different story: women were more likely to enjoy giving oral sex when it was reciprocated, but that doesn't always happen. While this is just one, very heteronormative study, it does paint an interesting picture about women's attitudes about oral sex.
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You have a right to enjoy all aspects of oral sex, and that includes receiving it in return. With the right attitude, some expert tips, and patience, giving oral sex can be just as rewarding as receiving it. Read on for
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Let your partner know that you're enjoying it.

Let your partner know that you're enjoying it.

Although you may have your mouth full, try to incorporate dirty talk into your oral sex routine. Often the receiver can feel self-conscious about oral, because they feel like it's a chore for the giver, Vanessa Marin, sex therapist and creator of Finishing School: Learn How To Orgasm told Refinery29. So, you might want to say something that reassures your partner that you're loving this, too. Not sure what to say to get that point across? Tell your partner that you love the way they taste, and if all else fails, moaning works.
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Use a sex toy on yourself.

Use a sex toy on yourself.

Have you heard of hands-free sex toys? They're wonderful because they allow people to experience vibration or penetration without having to hold onto a vibrator or toy. That means, you can get off while your mouth and hands are busy giving oral sex on your partner. It's essentially like 69-ing, without all the acrobatics.
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Listen to your partner.

Listen to your partner.

If you're anxious that your oral sex technique is not up to par, have your partner coach you by literally asking for what they want you to do or keep doing. You might want to have a conversation about what you like and dislike during oral sex beforehand, according to the National Coalition for Sexual Health. This is a basic communication skill, but we often forget that we have a right to speak up for what we want.
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Remember that your turn is coming.

Remember that your turn is coming.

Today, it's your job to treat your partner like royalty, but that means that your turn is right around the corner. Going into oral sex knowing that there is some reciprocity can make the experience feel more fair, Marin told Refinery29. To make this really clear, you might want to set specified "days" for you and your partner to be the "queen," so you know that everyone is getting their turn, she said.
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Take control.

Take control.

The fun thing about oral sex is that the giver gets to be in charge, set the pace, and control what their partner experiences. That dominance can be empowering. Consider experimenting with edging, in which you approach the peak of an orgasm, and then stop in order to delay the orgasm and make it more intense. If you're giving a blowjob to someone with a penis, this technique can help to delay premature ejaculation. And if you're eating someone out with a clitoris, there are plenty of ways you can tease your partner until they reach a tipping point.
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Get close.

Get close.

Despite the fact that your face is literally up close and personal to someone's genitals, some people find that oral sex is lonely, because you can't make eye contact with your partner, Marin told Refinery29. If that sounds like you, don't forget to take breaks to interact with your partner. Who knows? The extra dirty talk might be what takes them over the edge.
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