In the words of our brilliant hip-hop foremothers Salt ’N Pepa, “Let’s talk about sex, baby!” But specifically, let’s talk about sexual expression, sensuality, and just letting your dom or sub freak flag fly—without the false accusation of being for the streets.
In case you missed the last episode of Unbothered’s Go Off, Sis podcast, this is part two of the Invest In Thyself series. Last time, the hosts talked about relationships (platonic, sexual, and romantic), and now they’re getting a lil’ spicy by welcoming certified sex educator, dating coach, and intimacy expert Shan Boodram to the room.
As Chelsea Sanders, host and VP of Multicultural Brand Strategy & Development, says, Shan is “Dr. Ruth meets Rihanna. Fresh cuts, fresh styles, fresh opinions, and factual advice.”
So dim the lights—or keep ’em on, if that’s your thing—as the ladies discuss normalizing pleasure, sexuality, and all the kinks that come with it. But first, how does a nice Canadian girl with Caribbean parents become a sexologist?
“I needed someone like me, which is the most selfish response ever. But I was like, ‘Man, I wish there was someone who felt approachable, relatable, and could make sex education sexy and accessible,’” says the host of the popular Lovers and Friends podcast.
After having multiple negative sexual experiences, including a non-consensual one, Shan, then 19 years old, spent the summer reading “every factual book about sex in the back of a dusty library” in Pickering, Ontario. Today, the married mama with children sees her work as reclaiming the younger version of herself, because seven-year-old Shan was a sexual being whose Barbies (with their anatomically impossible frames) were banned from being naked in the house.
Initially, Shan’s parents were “uncomfortable” with their daughter talking so openly about sex. But they’ve since come around to see how their daughter elevates the conversation about judgment, shame, and controlling Black women’s sexuality.
In the past, straight women were given the just-your-mouth-not-your-teeth-advice about giving good head, but Shan is a “big fan of contrast.” The co-host of Ex-Rated with Andy Cohen tells the girls to apply pressure. “Biting the shaft with the back of your teeth, like for pressure, and then using your mouth to melt into it with a suck or kiss…it’s playing with fear and playing with sensation,” Shan says, noting her husband enjoys the experience.
To hear Shan debunk the “bomb pussy” myth and talk pregnancy sex, listen to the full episode below.