In March of 2017, I was in my third year of trying to conceive. I had a deep desire to be a mother, but I continued to run into emotional roadblocks. It seemed that the Universe wanted me to focus on my own healing. While my Higher Self could see that there was big spiritual work for me to do, my logical side was frustrated and sad. Still, I diligently tracked my ovulation and tried my hardest to make it happen. But the more I tried to control my conception, the more disappointed I became. Why was I a Super Attractor — someone who could confidently claim their desires — in every other area of my life, but couldn’t attract my baby?
One afternoon, I sat in my office, gazing out the window in a state of desperation. I felt defeated, sad, and ashamed. I’d been writing and speaking publicly about my desire to conceive. In doing so, I was trying hard to be a beacon of hope for my readers and audience members, but in that moment my own hope was far from reach. It was difficult for me to harness my faith and feel my connection to the Universe. I needed a spiritual intervention.
I closed my eyes, sat in stillness, and took a deep breath. I said a prayer to the Universe: “Once again, I surrender this desire, and I welcome guidance.” When I opened my eyes, something appeared in my peripheral vision. Two huge wild turkeys were walking slowly across my lawn. My emotions changed the second I shifted my focus off myself and onto these beautiful animals. I watched them walk down the slope of the lawn, pecking at patches of grass along the way. I was in awe of their peace and tranquility as the late-winter snow fell on their backs. It was a meditative moment and a beautiful shift in perception that helped me move from despair to hope and realign with the Universe.
Later that afternoon I invited my husband to meditate with me. As we sat together, I invited my spirit guides of the highest truth and compassion to enter our meditation and give us clear direction. Within moments I began to feel my hands tingle and a warm energy of love pass over my body. We sat in silence for a few minutes, and then my guides began to direct my thoughts. Words that were not mine started to come through. The guides assured us that the Universe had a plan for our child. They encouraged us to be patient. They also suggested I Google the spiritual meaning of wild turkeys.
Clearly the turkeys had come to bring me a message. When we came out of our meditation, we went to my computer and looked up “spiritual meaning behind wild turkeys.” I clicked on the first search result, and at the top of the page, it said they were a symbol of fertility. Zach and I gasped at the powerful message we’d received. I began to cry with gratitude for the wisdom that was available to me all the time.
That day was a turning point in my fertility journey. I saw it as a new opportunity to surrender more and deepen my faith in a plan beyond my own.
When we truly surrender our desires to the Universe, a mighty force of faith can set in. That faith offers us clear direction when we’re lost. When we assume an energy of faith, we are receptive, released, and magnetic.
In the following months, whenever I’d start to lose hope, I’d turn to the image of the turkeys in the snow. I held on to my guides’ divine message, and I continued to return to faith. The miracle wasn’t that I was pregnant just yet — but that I was faithful my child was on the way. Faith is the greatest miracle of all because when we’re faithful, we feel good, and when we feel good, the Universe conspires to bring forth our desires.
At the end of 2017, I was preparing for a book launch. I felt overwhelmed by the work and travel ahead of me. “How can I conceive when I have this much going on?” I wondered. As I started to become more frantic, I suddenly noticed that a new song was playing on my car stereo. The song was “Bow to You,” by Jaya Lakshmi and Ananda. The lyrics were so profound that they redirected my focus off my fear and uncertainty and onto the energy of love. I felt as if there were a baby sitting behind me in the backseat. And I heard that child say, “I’m coming in March. Be patient and trust.” I felt this presence so strongly that I could not deny it.
February 2018 rolled around, and with my latest book launch behind me, I started to do the pregnancy math. I figured that if I conceived in February, I’d get the news of my child in early March.
Instead, I got my period. I fell back into that well-worn place of defeat. I was frustrated with the Universe. But despite my disappointment and sadness, I knew once again that the answer was to turn inward. Even though I was questioning my faith, the voice of my Higher Self was louder than the voice of fear. I knew that if I sat in my meditation, I could realign with my truth and receive more guidance to keep me on my path. So I returned to the guidance of love. I sat in meditation and asked for another sign. This time I asked for a specific sign that had great meaning to me on my fertility journey. I knew that Archangel Gabriel, the angel who helped with maternity and fertility, was guiding me. And I knew that he was often depicted holding lilies. So I asked Gabriel to show me a lily to once again restore my faith and guide my path.
The next day I walked into my husband’s office still feeling down. I sat on Zach’s lap and placed my phone on his desk. Zach embraced me and said, “Everything is working out in the perfect time.” The second he said those words, a song began to play on my phone. This was odd, considering my phone had been locked when I placed it on his desk. I went to turn it off but was shocked when I saw the album name on the screen. The album was called I See the Sign, and the song was called “Way Go Lily.” I sat back on my husband’s lap and said, “This is our sign!”
I took the sign as another reminder from the Universe that my faith is stronger than my fear. We sat back and received the most incredible and clear guidance. I burst into tears.
When we lose faith, we have two choices: We can get hooked into our fear story and try to control our desires. Or we can surrender to the Universe and welcome guidance to restore our faith. Whenever you choose the latter, you will be guided back to faith and love. No matter how often you detour into fear, you can always call on Universal guidance to lead you back to faith in love.
Today, as I write this, I’m listening to the song “Way Go Lily” in the background, feeling in awe of the guidance that I received. Today is July 28, exactly 120 days from March 30, the day I conceived my baby boy. This day is significant because in the yogic tradition, the 120th day after conception is the day that the soul enters the mother’s body and chooses to be in this world. As the Universe would have it, my child showed up right on time.
Conceiving my child is one of the greatest miracles I’ve ever received. What makes it so miraculous is the opportunity I have had to practice surrender and strengthen my faith. The true miracle is having faith no matter what. If your desires haven’t come into form yet, please know that each time you return to faith, you’re receiving the ultimate gift from the Universe. Living with faith will help you feel whole, safe, and supported even when you don’t have everything you want or think you need. Faith in a higher power is the greatest gift you can ask for.
Excerpted from Super Attractor: Methods for Manifesting a Life beyond Your Wildest Dreams by Gabrielle Bernstein (Hay House, 2019).