Today, at 27, I’m doing much better. My skin looks good, and my perspective has matured dramatically. Still, it’s hard to say when or even if I really feel like I've "gotten over" skin-picking. I still catch myself picking and feeling the urge, but I know my triggers. I know now that I pick when I feel anxious. I pick to feel in control of something — anything — but I don’t hurt myself like I used to. I know my limits, and respect the excellent job that my body does at healing itself.
When I tell people I pick, they’re surprised. But my skin is so clear! What do I use on my face? Readers, I could tell you about hemp seed oil
, about Alima Pure
mineral makeup, about the Clarisonic
, about distracting myself from touching my face, about learning that most consumer hygiene goods cause comedogenic nightmares. But the thing is that all of that has nothing to do with why I pick my skin. Managing a body-focused repetitive behavior — be it skin-picking, nail-biting, or hair-pulling — is never really about correcting a physical ailment. It’s deeper than skin deep.
Even though I feel confident about my face, other insecurities ebb and flow in my mind. Shift happens. Sometimes I fantasize about removing a benign mole, or I remember and briefly take to heart what different jerks I've dated have said about my body. Sometimes I hate-shop for jeans on the internet, even though shopping for jeans on the internet is a fool’s errand.