Colton Goes Full Romance Novel Hero On The Next Bachelor

This post contains spoilers for The Bachelor’s Week 3 episode.

As any fan of The Bachelor knows, half of each episode is teasers for next week’s upcoming episode, and we eagerly dissect each of those scenes, knowing full well they are highly edited versions of the truth. And in these two teasers for tomorrow’s episode, Colton Underwood is doing his darndest to get us excited for his “journey,” which naturally includes dressing up in a swashbuckling pirate costume.

E! News shared a clip of one of his very scripted dates on Week 3. For one of the group dates, he wears a slightly embarrassing pirate costume and stands atop a fake crow’s nest. Like the cover of a cheesy romance novel, Colton’s shirt is open, exposing his chest, which we all know is not an accident, considering his many gratuitous shower scenes. It’s the typical Bachelor trope of doing something absurd in front of a live studio audience. “Captain Colton,” searching for the “true treasure of love,” pretends to battle fellow pirates aboard a ship. Demi Burnett, who is working hard at becoming the villain of the season lands enough camera time to call herself “life’s greatest treasure.” Okay!

It looks like tomorrow’s episode will include not one, but two group dates. The shows’ official Twitter account shared photos of another Bachelor trope: the physical fitness challenge. Why does a sign reading “Bachelor’s Strongest Woman” make us cringe?

In another clip, we learn that this week’s one-on-one date goes to Elyse Delbom, a makeup artist from Alaska who, at the ripe “old” age of 31, is one of the self-described “cougars” of the season. Extra tagged along to their date, which they describe as PDA-packed. Obviously, this is sure to irritate Demi back at the mansion. “We have a great connection and there is the potential for a future there,” says Elyse. Colton agrees and blushes when asked about their makeup session. “I don’t kiss and tell,” he demurred, as he kisses a woman on television and talks about it to an entertainment news show.

Elyse, for her part, was thrilled about their date. “[It was] literally the best day. My birthday, Christmas, [they] can’t top this.” If the make-outs are any indication, she’ll be getting her rose. Watch the video below, if you want to see some slow dancing to a country singer.