Mother Nature really is healing, because tonight — after several days of poisonous and angering news, and amid a vice-presidential debate that the Vice President lied his way through — she gave us a gift. That gift? A fly, stationed atop Mike Pence’s head for two minutes and three seconds of the Plexiglass-enclosed, 90-minute event. And just like that, a country that can’t agree on a goddamned thing universally decided to come together to talk — and joke — about a flying bug.
We were, however, a bit concerned for the fly’s wellbeing. While the Vice President has tested negative for COVID-19 since attending Amy Coney Barrett’s super-spreader extravaganza, he has been around an awful lot of Trump administration officials and if we know anything about this virus, it’s that it can be very unpredictable — and contagious. That fly should probably get tested after being perched in Pence’s hair, and we would suggest hitching a ride back with Pence to Number One Observatory Circle for that special presidential COVID treatment — unless it wants to wait in line until it can literally no longer breathe. And it should definitely quarantine for 14 days.
We suppose we’ll never know why the fly chose to land on Pence and just stay put. Perhaps it, too, wanted to see if Pence actually had pinkeye, as countless people speculated. What we do know is that if we don’t get all the fly jokes out of our system right now, we won’t be able to focus on the important part of post-debate discourse, which is that Kamala Harris had an amazing performance and basically took apart the Trump administration point by point. (We think the fly would agree — flies are generally pretty reasonable creatures.) Anyway, FlyWillVote.com is now a thing, so do with that what you will.