Warning: major spoilers ahead for Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt: Kimmy vs. the Reverend
The new Netflix interactive special Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt: Kimmy vs. the Reverend asks What Would Kimmy Do? (W.W.K.D., for short) and looks to viewers for answers. Not all of them are good either. There are multiple endings for Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt's interactive special (a la Black Mirror's "Bandersnatch"), which has Kimmy (Ellie Kemper) trying to stop the Reverend (Jon Hamm) once and for all before she gets married to a prince, played by Daniel Radcliffe.
And that's where you come in. You get to choose Kimmy's adventure, which includes helping her pick out her wedding dress and deciding whether or not to make out with Harry Potter himself, Seriously, it's hard to believe how integral knowing every word to Lynyrd Skynyrd's epic "Free Bird" is to Kimmy's journey.
Each decision you make can lead to small variations — Easter eggs! New characters! Different jokes! — or big consequences. Yes, you can definitely kill a whole lot of characters if you're not careful. Don't worry though there is room for as many do overs as you need to finally give Kimmy and the rest of her friends the happy endings they deserve.
The key is to remember you're in Kimmy's shoes and she's more of a lover than a fighter. With that in mind, here are all the possible scenarios for the Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt interactive special.
The "Make Out" Ending
Choosing to have Kimmy get all kissy with Frederick instead of reading the book results in a flash forward after your seven minutes in heaven. It's one month later and the two are married and happier than ever, but Jan, Kimmy's talking backpack, thinks they need to have more adventures. We agree. Do over.
The Everybody Dies Ending
Pick Jacqueline (Jane Krakowski) to go with Kimmy to see the Reverend and you'll end up taking a deadly nose dive. Jacqueline enlists her son Buckley (Tanner Flood) to pilot the plane, but he doesn't really have his license. He just pretended to have one to get into USC. Turns out, Jacqueline was part of the college admission scam and her lies end up killing you. Oh, and Jacqueline's insistence that Titus follow the Mark Wahlberg workout regimen results in a fatal treadmill accident. "I should have picked Titus," are Kimmy's final words as the plane goes down.
It's Lillian's ex, accused murderer Robert Durst (Fred Armisen) who breaks the bad news to you that you just killed everyone with this very early bad choice. The thing is, he doesn't seem all that upset about it. "Great job," he says. "Okay, bye bye."
The "Call Donna Maria" Ending
The most well-adjusted of the mole women, Donna Maria, tells Kimmy to forget about the book she found and the Reverend. Who is Kimmy to ignore the wise advice of the owner of Mole Woman's Molé Sauce? But doing so means Kimmy leaves the mystery unsolved, which doesn't sit right with her bestie Cyndee (Sara Chase).
It's one month later and the newly married Kimmy and Frederick are filming their When Harry Met Sally ending, but Cyndee feels like more should have happened. And she's right, this happy ending seems way too easy. We didn't get to see Kimmy and Frederick's wedding or whether Titus got in shape for his new action movie. "And like did we really fly Daniel Radcliffe in for one scene?" Cyndee questions. So true. Try again.
The "Call Donna Maria" Again Ending
Depending on your previous choices, this might pop up the first time you call Donna Maria, but if not, call her again. Donna Marie doesn't pick up so you get an automated message that presents three choices. Number 3 will let you listen to "The Twelve Days of Christmas" sung by Taco Snake, Donna Maria's controversial company mascot.
They'll give you the option to skip the rather lengthy parody, but if you listen all the way through, you'll be rewarded with a new choice once the song is over: “For an Easter Egg, Press 3.” Once you do, you'll jump to the “Nice work, Nerd!” screen and get to see bloopers and alternate jokes that will make it worth the wait. Even better, this is more of a pit stop than an ending. It takes you back so you can call the other mole women.
The Death Cab For Kimmy Ending
When you get to West Virginia, don't wait for Titus' Uber driver, Mamadou, to take you into town. If you do, you'll end up killing Titus (Tituss Burgess) and Kimmy, who after 4,000 minutes of waiting waste away until all we see is their well-dressed corpses. Safe to say, Mamadou, who does actually show up at his predetermined arrival time, isn't going to give them five stars.
The Robot Apocalypse Ending
If you decide to wait for Mamadou again, the robots will do their bidding. Not only do Kimmy and Titus die, but all of mankind is also killed by our robot overlords who congratulate themselves on taking over the world. And we thought C.H.E.R.Y.L., Kimmy's friend/lamp, was one of the good ones.
The "Be Sociable" Ending
Don't spend any time talking to Reverend Richard Wayne Gary Wayne in jail or he'll want to show his dance moves, which includes a Michael Jackson move that causes him to lose his balance and crack his head open. He dies before he can tell Kimmy where the missing girls, plural, are. But not before calling himself the "white half of Drake."
While his death does make Kimmy's wedding easier — as long as he was alive and living in "Mike Pence country," the Reverend swore they would remain married — she can't solve the mystery of the book. That just doesn't feel right to Titus, who pops up on screen to give you a stern talking to.
"Who are you, me at Chipotle?" he says. "Because you made some bad choices that affect everyone." Now you got to fix this sitch, bitch — copyright Titus Andromedon.
The Titus Doesn't Actually Know "Free Bird" Ending
Titus technically knows a song called "Free Bird," but it's definitely not the Lynyrd Skynyrd epic. This "Free Bird" is the one he made up about a problem bird he worked with at the pet shop. His inability to sing the right "Free Bird," though, leads to a massacre at The Living Canary. All we see is the 911 call that accuses Titus of disrespecting Skynyrd before gunshots are heard.
Like the rest of us, Cyndee questions this rather depressing ending and lets us know she was one of the writers of the final season of Game Of Thrones. "Have fun in the past!" she screams as we go back to hear Titus sing the real "Free Bird."
The "Follow The Reverend" Ending
Following Dick Wayne means you have to leave the baby at the gas station behind, which seems like a big no no after we watch her wander off. Yes, I heard that growl too. Worse, Kimmy and Titus aren't able to stop the Reverend who rides past them in his van with the girls from the bunker. "Now I'm taking these girls to Florida where everything's legal!" he shouts.
Titus' boyfriend Mikey (Michael Carlsen) then pops up. "That just got dark," he says. "Like Spooky Mirror." This is Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt and we can't let the Reverend win. "Kimmy is a good person and you're not making good choices for her," Mikey chastises. But don't worry, you get another chance to make things right.
The You Didn't Read The Book Ending
If you chose to have Kimmy make out with Frederick instead of reading the book, well, that's a problem. Without having read the book, you won't know about the lemon juice message that will lead you to the bunker. That means the Reverend will be on his way to Florida before you can save the girls.
Don't worry, Mikey pops up to soothe your concerns. After all, he wouldn't have chose to read either. "What's fun about that?" he says. But after breaking the fourth wall, Mikey has to fix it. Thanks to your good deed of watching the gas station baby, you don't have to go all the way back to the beginning. You just have to read the book to her before her dad (Johnny Knoxville) comes back. What is Titus doing? Well, he's reading that baby for filth. "Because it is a diva and needs to hear some hard truths." Sorry, baby.
The "Shoot Him" Ending
Choose to have Kimmy shoot and kill the Reverend and you'll flash forward five years to Frederick and Lillian (Carol Kane), who are now married. In this very Kimmy Schmidt take on When Harry Met Sally ending, the two end up getting together after Kimmy wandered into the wilds of the mountains looking for the missing girls. "Pity eventually turned into love," Lillian explains. Now she plans to help Prince Frederick, the 12th in line for the crown, get the throne with help from her hammer.
The "Stomp Him" Ending
So instead of shooting him, you stomp him... to death. Kimmy doesn't find the girls, she goes mad and becomes a hill person. Two years later, Xan (Dylan Gelula) marries Frederick and becomes the Queen of England. She makes a documentary about Kimmy to "honor her or whatever" and stars alongside Frederick in a reality show where they visit her high school friends to see what they're up to now. It's on season 2.
The "'Splode Him" Ending
Kimmy uses a bazooka to kill the Reverend and ends up killing herself too. Flash forward to another When Harry Met Sally ending in which Frederick marries Kimmy 2, a clone of the original Kimmy made from a lock of hair from her hairbrush. They now live in Harrisburg, PA just like Frederick wanted, but this is too weird to be considered a happy ending.
The Reverend Goes To Hell Ending
If you choose not to spare the Reverend but to shoot, stomp, and 'splode him, you'll unlock a secret scene which has him greeting you from hell. He's there hanging out with the creepy Mr. Frumpus puppet, singing Sugar Ray. When it's over, you'll get to go back and spare him for one of the official endings.
The Time Is Up For Time's Up Ending
After Kimmy spares the Reverend and finds the missing bunker girls, she's on to the wedding. But Kimmy and Frederick are the only ones who seem really happy. While the Reverend died in prison, Jacqueline has officially ruined Time's Up after she was caught lying about Titus. The men on set believe that if one woman lied, that means all women lied, and now that means Time's Up is over. She's now apologizing daily on Instagram.
Titus can't stop coughing after all the dirt he ate while on drugs. The soil ruined his singing voice and not showing up to set ruined his and Jacquline's careers. Lillian lets them know that even though they screwed up, they can make better choices next time. (Yeah, that might be aimed at you, too.)
After Kimmy and Frederick say "I do," Jacqueline cuts in. "What the hell?" she says before insisting you start over and give her a better ending. "Whatever," she says before storming off. "No one deserves me."
The A- Ending
Much like the ending we just described above, Kimmy marries Frederick and the Reverend dies, but Titus gets fooled by the second woodland banquet and never gets to set. Jacqueline's lies still reverse the #MeToo movement.
It's Lillian that pops up to let you know she gives your ending an A- and that she has a parasite that makes her want to get more cats. "Congrats you're going to Cornell," Lillian says. "And I'm going to the cat store." And you might want to try again since this ending isn't a winner, but you're so close.
The Fancy Dress Ending
Kimmy spares the Reverend and lives happily ever after with her prince. Titus followed Kimmy and made it to set so no one ever knows about Jacquline's little lie, and we finally see Frederick's real dad, played by a bearded Radcliffe. But as happy as Kimmy is, she really wishes she wore the fun dress instead of the fancy one, which looks like something Mrs. Peanut would get married in. Pick the fun dress next time and you'll end up with the official happiest of endings.
The Fun Dress Breakfast Club Ending
Kimmy read the book and spared the Reverend and while looking for a splint to fix his leg she comes across the hatch of the bunker. After all that's happened to her, she finally gets closure, letting the mole women of West Virginia free. Kimmy also gets back in time for her wedding, which makes national news. Hello, she's the very rich and famous author who is marrying a prince! But we also learn that Kimmy's ex-husband Reverend Richard Wayne Gary Wayne has died after being kicked to death in prison.
Kimmy walks down the aisle in her fun dress (yes, that first choice really matters!), which is a cotton candy pink mullet dress with a balloon veil and a candy bouquet. Titus followed Kimmy and made it to set and Jacqueline was able to keep her job. We finally get to hear Frederick's rhyming vows and see a few characters you might have missed, including the prince's bestie Kim Jong-un, the Supreme Leader of North Korea. We also find out that Kimmy saved us from a robot uprising and Xan got ordained by HauntedTempeWitchcraft.org.
The big finale has the whole OG gang and Frederick posing like Bender in The Breakfast Club as everyone else starts to leave the venue. You win! You can watch the credits and call it a day or go back and do it all over again to find the endings we might have missed. You choose!