Grande, who is currently embarking on the European leg of her massive Sweetener tour, canceled a fan meet and greet and soundcheck set ahead of her Friday show in Antwerp, Belgium, HuffPost reports. She updated fans via Instagram stories, explaining that she’d had a “handful of panic attacks” earlier that day and felt that the “wisest decision” would be to instead focus her energy on the evening’s show.
“Hi my loves,” Grande wrote, “Time for some honesty. My depression and anxiety have been at an all-time high lately. I have been giving you all I’ve got and trying to push through as hard as I can and mask it.”
Grande has been notably candid about her struggles with mental health in the past. After the 2017 Manchester bombing, the death of her ex-boyfriend Mac Miller, and her high-profile breakup with Pete Davidson, Grande has engaged in an honest dialogue with fans about the importance of therapy and the lasting effects of mental health issues such as PTSD and depression. She has also spoken out about the challenges of touring — especially considering how public her life and emotions are — and how that can also have an effect on her wellbeing.
In her note, Grande explained that she wanted to be able to give fans a full experience — but she wanted to be fully present while doing so.
“I don’t want to rush through our time together or seem shaky. I like spending actual time with you and I won’t be able to be present or give you the best of me today,” she wrote. “I wish I had control over these attacks but as anybody with anxiety or depression understands, sometimes you can only operate on its terms and not your own.”
Grande said fans would be reimbursed and promised to put on “the best show” possible.