Keeping Up With The Kardashians Season 16, Episode 3 Recap: The Mommy Wars

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Welcome to the safest, most contoured space on the Internet: A space where we can openly discuss, dissect, and indulge in the greatest show of our time, Keeping Up With The Kardashians.
The word of the week is "Bali." Bali is everything in episode 3 of KUWTK. It is perfect, necessary, green, epic, and just, Bali, you know? Only Kim Kardashian, Kourtney Kardashian, and Khloé Kardashian (with the kids) make the trip around the world for a little sun and relaxation. The trip starts with, to me, a vision of hell: kids screaming, eating cake, running around a tiny plane in the middle of the night while the parents look strung out. But, when they land in Bali, everything will be perfect. Right? LOL. Wrong, of course.
Ahead, here's everything that went down in Bali, and in Calabasas with the rest of the stateside Kardashian-Jenners (Kylie, Kris, and MJ).
Mommy Wars
Bali may be the word of the trip, but the mood is exhaustion. After a sleepless flight (on a private plane), Kourtney sleeps 15 hours while Khloé and Scott watch the kids. It's unclear if Kim really helps with any of the kids but her own, but the main message is clear: Kourtney fully peace-ed out on her responsibilities, and irks Khloé to no end, especially since this is her first big trip with True. She wants to use all her energy to care for her daughter, and instead she's wasting the last bit of it on getting mad at her older sister.
Khloé and Kourtney end up having a major blow-out during their first meal in Bali — legit, first. meal. fighting. Kourtney basically calls Khloé a diva, and it doesn't help that they're all staying in the same (huge, gorgeous) house. While the two sisters are still annoyed with each other, Scott reveals that his favorite movie is Fool's Gold starring Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey. That is a terrible favorite movie, and now I really need to know if he has seen Serenity yet.
Honestly the rest of Bali I'll sum it up: chocolate factory, jungle car racing, Tristan drama (no, not that), pool time, beach exploring, treasure hunting, etc. In between all of this, Khloé and Kourtney exchange more insults. And I'm sorry but I love when Kourtney is mean because she is so uncreative when it comes to being mean. She literally just tells people, "I don't care," to their actual face when their upset and it's so iconically reckless. I love it. I really don't think she is intentionally trying to hurt her sister's feelings, she is just too blunt, and thinks her opinion is always right. A classic big sister. (I am one, too, so I get it.) The one person that will listen to Khloé vent about her sister drama? Tristan Thompson. The two FaceTime while Scott, Kourtney, and Kim jump off the bow of a pirate ship-turned-yacht, and things seem peachy between them. :/
In the end, Khloé makes the first move to bury the hatchet, which, of course. Kourtney acknowledges that sometimes she is "mindless." That's all Khloé wanted to hear.
So the trip started out rough, and we're only half way through the trip, but the episode all ends well with a symbolic turtle releasing ceremony into the Bali ocean. Hey, at least Daddy Scott had a good time! (He so eloquently stated: "Maybe that's the theme of the trip: To give, and not take." Our deep boy!)
Halloween Costumes For The 'Gram
Kim has an idea for Halloween — all the sisters will be Victoria's Secret Angels. She pitches the idea to Khloé and Kourtney and immediately Khloé is not sold — she has a "really tight schedule." Kourtney doesn't look thrilled at the idea either. But where there's a dedicated Kim, there's a way. And she manages to convince all the sisters to strap into a set of over-the-top wings to bring her Halloween 'gram vision to life. (The Bali trip happened the week of October 21, and presumably this convo happened weeks in advance of Halloween despite it airing before the same week.)
They don't really get back to the topic after using it as this week's cold open, which means....we better get ready for a full segment on it next week.
Calabasas Crew
Kendall and Kylie take Kris to lunch and ignore her for most of it until they very unenthusiastically offer to help Kris take care of MJ. MJ isn't in the best physical shape, and she feels sick a lot, and Kris basically tells her daughters that she needs their help, and it feels like they should have offered it earlier.
During another lunch Kylie admits that she started hanging out with her grandma as a favor, but it's now evolved into a real nice bonding session between her, Kendall, and MJ. MJ even reveals that she found out she has a half-sister (the two women share the same father, which would be Kendall and Kylie's great-grandpa) through ancestry test. Kylie says she's actually found a second cousin herself — imagine Kylie calling you up to tell you that you're her second cousin. Wild.
Our weekly round-up of the craziest one-liners from the episode (these are all out of context because it makes them funnier):
"I don't want to do it myself." — Kourtney
"I need to take a mental Xanax." — Kim
"I went t0 a 2000s party lat night it was so fun." — Kendall
"Isn't it still the 2000s?" — Kris
"Kourtney's comments make me want to slap her in the fucking mouth." — Khloé
"It's not a Kardashian family trip without a yacht." — Khloé
"Scott Disick a.k.a Scotty Pickles." — Mason

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