I think something may have happened between Tom Hiddleston and I. To be clear, I don't remember anything happening. I've never met Tom Hiddleston. But in this commercial, he seems to think we know each other very well.
Hiddleston is apparently working with Pfizer to promote their Centrum multivitamins, but they're doing it in the absolute weirdest way I've ever seen — and that includes that Folger's incest Christmas commercial. Shot from the perspective of you, A Woman, the commercial takes you down the stairs and into the kitchen where Tom Hiddleston is preparing the most bizarre breakfast imaginable and also how did he get into my house?
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"I finished early —" ???? "— so I thought I'd pop back and make you breakfast," he says.
Here is what it appears Tom Hiddleston has made me for breakfast: berries, carrots, collard greens, purple cabbage, corn, red bell peppers, cucumbers, and red beans (?). With a heart-shaped egg on top.
"Pepper on top, right?" he asks, graciously remembering that I like pepper on my berries. Then he helpfully hands me some Centrum. Thanks. :)
Things take a sharp turn when he says he'll "probably be a bit busy these next few weeks," and here's where I get mad. Of course Tom didn't break into my home to make me breakfast without a catch.
"But I'll make it up to you soon, I promise," he says. Hopefully with more cabbage!!
This placates me, and my hands reach out to smooth his jacket — wait what the fuck.
And then he leaves without another word, but it's okay — I have a feast to enjoy.