If Every Press Release Was Written Like Meghan Trainor’s Thirsty One, We’d Read Our Email More Often

Meghan Trainor’s new EP The Love Train is all about, you guessed it, love. We may be hearing all about the singer’s love story and new husband when we listen to it, but all we can think about is the lost in the desert-level thirsty press release email that came with it.

Whenever a single or album is about to come out, media people all get a press release. As someone that gets what feels like a million emails from publicists each day, it can be easy for one to fall through the cracks. There just aren’t enough hours in the day, let me live. Apparently, I’m not the only one, because it seems that quite a lot of people slept on this email until it was shared online and the internet could appreciate it for the work of art that it is.

Usually, when you’ve seen one press release, you’ve seen them all. Not so with Trainor’s latest. With phrases such as “smashing bae's junk to smithereens,” “Billboard was wet,” and “Choo choo betch,” I can assure you, this has entered uncharted territory.

After finding out that the author of this record-breakingly thirsty release is comedic writer, Caroline Goldfarb, it all starts to make sense. She writes for The Late Late Show and is officially known as one of the funniest women on the internet, Goldfarb authored the laugh-out-loud release and is as shocked as anyone about where it has ended up.. “Oh my god the experimental press release I ghostwrote for Meghan Trainor’s team legitimately went viral! I’m dead,” she tweeted.

Never in a million years would I have thought I’d be reading about an artist’s new album from a comedic writer, and that’s why it’s so brilliant. No one saw it coming. I had been lulled into a false sense of knowing what to expect in an email from a publicist, which makes the shock value of this email that much higher. And it’s not just about the clever copy. Now, I’m thinking about Meghan Trainor’s new album, which is the whole point of a press release. Job. Well. Done.

“Unless your phone's been broken for a hot minute, you know that Meghan just got married to the ginger from Spy Kids, and trust when we say, girl is feeling the love,” the press release reads. It goes on to describe Trainor’s single, “Marry Me,” which she walked down the aisle to as “a little bit #Vomworthy.” Think of how your most opinionated and internet slang savvy friend would describe an album about love and then intensify its thirst even more.

Did this press release just dawn the era of ghostwritten releases by comedic writers? Because if so, sign me up. Literally, sign my email up for all the comedic press releases.