Just last month, Sarah Hyland revealed to SELF that she contemplated suicide after a failed kidney transplant. She described feeling "helpless" and "like a burden" to her friends and family because of her chronic health issues. Now, in an emotional interview with Ellen, Hyland opened up about her suicidal thoughts, and the steps that she took to get herself out of that ideation.
"After 26, 27 years of just always being sick and in chronic pain every single day, and you don't know when you're going to have the next good day, it's really, really hard," Hyland told Ellen Degeneres.
Hyland said she initially didn't want to tell people what she was thinking about, because she "knew they would try and persuade me," she told Ellen. "I would write letters in my head to loved ones of why I did it, my reasoning behind it, how it was nobody's fault," she said. "And I didn't write it on paper because I didn't want anyone to find it." But ultimately it took finally saying the words out loud to a friend for her to realize she needed to seek professional mental health assistance from a therapist, she said.
"When I said it to them, they were like, Oh you need to see a therapist," she said. "I don't think you're gonna help me, I think I need to really do this on my own, and do even more digging and soul searching," she recalled telling her friend. "Just saying it out loud helped it immensely, because I kept it to myself for months and months at a time."
Although every person with anxiety and depression is different, the advice that Hyland hopes people can glean from her own experience is that talking to someone you trust can help. Luckily, Hyland has an "amazing support system," she said. "Talking to someone, saying it out loud, makes it sound ridiculous, and puts everything into perspective," she told Ellen. But even for those of us who don't have immediate friends or family who we feel comfortable confiding in, there are hotlines and resources available to those in need.