Monday night, Bachelor in Paradise primarily concerned itself with Tia Booth and Colton Underwood's increasingly knotty relationship. They sort of dated before the show, you see, and then Underwood took Booth on a single Paradise date. But, er, Underwood isn't interested in dating Booth exclusively. He wants to explore Paradise the way other men have tried (and failed) to do so. Enter: fuckboyary! Here's looking at you, Dean Unglert, the eternal Fuckboy Supreme of Bachelor in Paradise.
First, a small recap for those who need it. Booth and Underwood dated previous to BiP, around January of this year. When he went on The Bachelorette, Booth gamely appeared on the show to explain to the current Bachelorette, Becca Kufrin, what exactly had happened between them. (Beyond a hike in Runyon Canyon and playing with some rescue puppies, very little happened.) Booth later appeared again to confess to Kufrin that she still had feelings for Underwood, a choice that would result in Kufrin cutting Underwood.
When she arrived in Paradise, in last week's premiere episode, Booth received a date card. Underwood still wasn't there, so she took Chris Randone (also from Kufrin's season) instead, hoping to have a fun time with someone who wasn't the burly football player of her dreams. She and Randone "established a connection," as they say, which was Underwood's cue to arrive on the shores of Mexico. Underwood arrived and immediately took Booth on a date, where they agreed they still had some sort of connection.
In episode two, which aired Monday night, the relationship fizzled, in part thanks to Underwood's sheer indecision. He wants to date Booth, he explained, but he also wants to date other people. To make matters worse, BiP brought Kufrin to Mexico, where she attempted to clarify things between her former lover and her best friend. Here's what she clarified: She's not in love with Underwood. But he might still be in love with her. Moreover, Underwood has no idea what he wants.
"I'm just trying hard," he told the camera, on the verge of tears. "[But] I can't do it in this situation."
Underwood was the fourth runner-up on The Bachelorette, which means he did take Kufrin home to meet his parents. This can be a trying spot for certain contestants; he had at least forged some connection to Kufrin before going home. (Jared Haibon, during his first season of Bachelor in Paradise, complained openly that he wasn't over his Bachelorette Kaitlyn Bristowe. It happens.)
Ultimately, Booth ended things with Underwood, citing his indecision. If you can't make up your mind in Paradise, Paradise will make up your mind about you. And Underwood, you're perilously close to entering the Indecision Hall of Fame. Also present in that hall: Caila Quinn, BIP3, Dean Unglert, BIP4, and Samantha Steffen, BIP2.
All of this might have seemed dramatic if it hadn't unfurled already on The Bachelorette. Based on their televised interactions, Booth and Underwood have a minor connection, but not a massive one, and certainly not one that can withstand the enticing waters of Paradise. There are other people to romance in Mexico! Move on, friends!
The cruel ending to this ultimately very, very boring love triangle included Underwood...staying in Paradise. Given that he was Booth's sort-of date, he would have received her rose. But she gave her rose to Randone, opting out of the love triangle (and possibly into another?). Out of left field, Bibiana Julian decided prolonged the whole ordeal when she gave him her rose. Julian received a fair amount of ire on Twitter for this decision, to which she responded:
"Dont judge me until you've walked a mile in my thong."
But still, fans are primarily over it.