7 Masturbation Hacks To Get You Through Holiday Season

Photographed by Megan Madden.
When you're home for the holidays, it can feel like your parents can see you when you're sleeping, know when you're awake, and know if you've been bad or good — or if you've been masturbating under their roof, for goodness' sake. (Sorry, I had to.)
If you've recently moved out of your parents' house, you might have forgotten the stealthy self-pleasure tips that got you through the night while you lived at home. And while there's nothing wrong with masturbating, you don't necessarily want the sound of your 10-speed vibrator or explosive orgasm to wake your family in the middle of the night.
Given that, we asked Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist who specializes in teaching women how to orgasm, and Myisha Battle, a certified sex coach in San Francisco, to share the best ways to masturbate while you're home for the holidays. And if your family does hear you make noise, just say it was Santa or something.
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illustrated by Anna Sudit.
Take a shower.

Your daily shower or bath may be the only alone time you actually get, so take advantage of it, Marin says. "You know you're not going to be interrupted, and the flow of water will mask any sounds you might make," she says. Use a waterproof vibrator or experiment with your shower head or tub spout, which can have a similar vibrating effect, she says.
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illustrated by Anna Sudit.
Go tech-free.

If you've always wanted to learn how to orgasm without a vibrator, use this as an opportunity to practice, Marin says. Consider other masturbation techniques that don't involve sex toys, like solo dry-humping, or get reacquainted with your hands, Battle says. (Not sure how to masturbate with your hands? Here are some techniques that will help get you started.)
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illustrated by Anna Sudit.
Read your porn.

Remember "silent sustained reading" sessions in elementary school? Well, take a page from your teacher's book and read some erotic literature (aka literotica) instead of watching live-action porn and worrying about how loud it is. There are tons of free sites and stories online, and many are written by women for women.
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Pack light.

There are tons of unassuming, cute sex toys that are perfect for packing in your carry-on — and won't make your family gawk if they accidentally come across it in your stuff. Battle suggests the Tenga Iroha, which is shaped just like a lipstick, or the Vesper vibrator by Crave, which honestly looks like a chic a necklace. "Perfect for pairing with your festive holiday outfit," Battle says.
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illustrated by Anna Sudit.
Play the quiet game.

If you typically make a lot of sound while you orgasm, see how quiet you can be while you climax, Battle says. And make it a game, rather than an annoyance. "It's fun to be a bit naughty during the holidays," she says. "The best part is, you get to give yourself the gift of pleasure without anyone ever knowing."
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illustrated by Anna Sudit.
Sext your partner.

If you and your partner don't spend the holidays together, use the time that you and bae are apart to hone your sexting skills. You can schedule a mutual masturbation session and tell your partner exactly how you're making yourself orgasm via text, or swap steamy messages when you have a free moment away from your family and friends.
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illustrated by Anna Sudit.
Take a masturbation hiatus.

Chances are, you're not going to be home for that long, so taking a break from masturbating wouldn't be the end of the world. You can spend this time getting amped up for when you finally can masturbate again. "Holiday-induced sexual frustration just might be enough to propel you over the edge," Marin says.

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