I have a story to tell. It goes like this: boy meets girl. Boy falls in love with girl. Boy makes sweet passionate love to girl — I assume. Then, girl chooses to marry another one of her 25 handsome suitors. In a rage, boy questions girl's sexual motives on national television.
Later, boy meets different girl — let's just call her Kaitlyn. Boy sleeps with Kaitlyn, too. All the while, he yearns for OG girl. Kaitlyn says "no thank you," and boy retreats to lick his proverbial wounds.
Then, boy, in an effort to forget about OG girl, decides to date 30 women at once. Boy cries. Boy whines. Boy interacts with fabled platinum vagina. And, lo and behold, OG girl returns. Girl professes love for boy. Boy hollers. Boy cries. Girl cries. Then, boy relents and kisses girl. Music swells. The audience at home goes bananas. The audience at home throws actual bananas. Girl and boy get married and The Bachelor suddenly becomes the best show to ever grace television.
Reader, I present to you: the greatest love story of our stupid modern era. And it's totally possible — the boy here is Nick Viall, who is currently romancing a few women on The Bachelor. The girl in question is Andi Dorfman, the Bachelorette from days of yore. A teaser from an upcoming episode of The Bachelor shows that Dorfman will make her return to the show — and we don't know why. In the teaser, all she says is a terse, "hello, Nick," as if she's greeting a sworn enemy. According to People, who has the exclusive clip, she's there to hash out the past — THIS IS A FALSEHOOD! She is there to profess her love. I know it. I feel it in my cheesy, lovemongering bones.
Let's examine the facts: Nick and Andi know each other — they've known each other for a few years now. In the romantic comedy narrative, this makes them perfect for one another. You don't fall in love with the new girl in town — you fall in love with the quirky best friend who's been there all along. Or rather, you fall in love with the defense attorney from Atlanta who spurned you once upon a time. What if, for Nick Viall, Andi Dorfman is The One That Got Away? What if this season of The Bachelor is the most romantic one yet?
And no, I haven't forgotten Viall's criminal act of slut-shaming Dorfman on national television. This doesn't mean he's not in love with Dorfman. This doesn't mean Dorfman's not in love with him. Listen, we all do crazy things for love. Crazy things like return to national television to profess love to an ex.
I know it's not probable, but it's possible — and that's enough for me to keep dreaming and humming and writing reality television fairytales.