Dear iOS, Thank You For These Hilariously Misconstrued Voicemails

Photographed by Alexandra Gavillet.
A friend perfectly summed up the current state of leaving voicemails when she began a recent message as follows:
"Hi, it's me, I mean it's Sarah. I can't remember the last time I left a voicemail, but well, here goes."
Voicemails aren't extinct, but they sometimes feel like they are. At this point I really only leave a message when I call my parents. And the only voicemails I get are from them, too — or Duane Reade telling me that a prescription refill is ready. Yes, there's the very occasional message from a friend like Sarah. But mostly, it's just Mom, Dad, and Duane Reade.
Even with relatively few voicemails taking up space on my phone, listening to them always seems like such a chore. That's why I was thrilled when Apple announced this past spring that iOS 10 would include voicemail transcription. At last, a way to read messages without having to play the recording. There's just one problem: automated digital voice transcriptions are usually riddled with errors — and iOS is no exception. Click through for nine of the most hilariously inaccurate voicemail transcripts we've seen (and heard about).

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