This Is What Happened When I Woke Up With The Rock

This weekend, I woke up with The Rock (a.k.a. Dwayne Johnson). He woke me up by repeating "ring, ring" in my ear, his pitch getting louder and louder the longer I lay in bed, refusing to get up. Then, he really started getting angry: "Seriously. This isn't a joke. Don't make me come back again." When that didn't do it, he got a little patronizing: "HELLO?! Earth to sleeping beauty. Wake up! Right now!" Worst of all was his final attempt to get me out of bed: "This is officially your last warning. I tried. You don't want to get up, that's on you." There's not much worse than knowing that The Rock is disappointed in you. When I finally did pry myself from the warmth of my bed, full of shame, The Rock was already in what he calls the "iron paradise" (what we mortals refer to as the gym). He had his morning juice in hand and didn't seem so angry anymore. He even personally thanked me. And let me tell you, it doesn't get much better than having The Rock thank you. This is what it's like living with The Rock Clock, The Rock's new motivational app that launched in the App Store and Google Play last week. The app is straightforward. It's got two components; a goal-setting tab and an alarm clock. First, the goals: You can pick a project that "sounds doable" and set a date that you'd like to "crush this project by" (in the words of the app itself). I wasn't really sure what to choose, so I picked one of The Rock's pre-set options, "Come Up with the Best Goal. Ever. Of All Time." I still haven't figured out what that "best goal" is, but at least I still have two more days to figure it out — and then I'll set another goal to actually complete it. Then, there's the clock portion. Here, you can choose to wake up at the same time as The Rock with "Rock Time," or you can pick a time that you'd like The Rock to "Wake My Ass Up At." You might want to think twice before putting yourself on Rock Time. This weekend, that meant my alarm was going off at 5 a.m., which is not so ideal for a lazy Sunday snooze (and there is no Snooze option because, as the app explains, "The Rock is not a fan of that button."). But you will want to make sure you take the time to select one of the 25 custom alarm tones, which often feature his voice or dubstep-like beats and have names like "BAMF," "Shredded," "The Roar," Rockapella," "Chainsaws," and my personal favorite, "Battle Cat." Yes, that's exactly what you might imagine it sounds like: Game of Thrones-like battle drums followed by howling meows. The alarm tones are what makes the app a must-have on my home screen. How else could you wake up to motorcycles revving up and The Rock screaming, "Let's roll"? Even if I were annoyed at the prospect of waking up, I'd rather do it with one of The Rock's endlessly entertaining alarms than the boring iPhone alarm clock "Chimes" that I'm used to. By the end of Johnson's well-intentioned attempt to pull me out of bed, I'm almost laughing. Almost. And whatever you do, don't forget to listen to the exclusive video messages, such as yesterday's, which was recorded in the iron paradise. I don't know that I'd go so far as to call them inspirational, but they do feature nuggets of wisdom such as, "Greatness ain't chasin' itself. You've gotta chase that son of a bitch." Amen, The Rock. Amen.