Rihanna's video for "Bitch Better Have My Money" has it all. Eric Roberts (who really must have some clause insisting that he get cast in every single smarmy role in a music video) and Hannibal's Mads Mikkelsen provide celebrity cameos. There are enough nipples and T&A on display to crash Instagram. There's violence, gore, and stomach-turning scenes of torture. Disappointingly, 99% of it is directed at an innocent woman. Here's the premise: Rihanna's accountant (Mikkelsen) has stolen her money and jacked up her credit. As revenge, she and her scary squad kidnap his bombshell wife, stripping her down and letting her dangle from her ankles in some grimy warehouse. It's full-on Lethal Weapon. Mrs. Accountant gets stuffed in a box, hit on the head, submerged underwater, and basically orally assaulted with a bong (is that a punishment?). The video is slick and her fans are already raving about how entertaining it is, but really? Did we need to see a human Barbie doll get the crap beaten out of her? It's not even a girl fight; Rihanna and her crew are torturing this woman, simply because she married a slimy crook. So, yeah, needless to say, we won't ever be asking RiRi for a loan. We also won't be re-watching this video.
OPENER IMAGE: Masatoshi Okauchi/Rex/REX USA.