Karl Lagerfeld Said What About Cara D.?

Any interview with Karl Lagerfeld will inevitably include the following: descriptions of his high, starched collars; fetishistic photos of his bibliothèque-sized, well-curated book collection; and, from Herr Karl himself, insults. Lots and lots of insults. In these respects, The Guardian's recent profile of the Chanel designer does not disappoint.

Want to know what Lagerfeld thinks of casual dress for women of a certain (that is, non-teen) age? "To be sloppy after 25 is a problem. You have to be really fresh to wear stuff that doesn't look fresh." We'll keep that in mind and refrigerate ourselves accordingly. What's Karl say about tattoos? "It's like sleeping in a printed T-shirt, you will never get clean again." Not even after all the Silkwood showers we took? The maestro's newest pet peeve, the selfie? "No. This is electronic masturbation." Does that make our Instagrams NSFW?

Not even Cara Delevingne, one of Karl's current favorite muses, is safe. The Brit beauty wasn't outright shaded, exactly, but Lagerfeld's compliment is still all kinds of sideways. "She is not a standout beauty. Was it Bacon who said, 'There is not beauty without some strangeness in the proportions'?" Yes, Karl, it was indeed 16th-century ruff-wearer Francis Bacon who said that. But, we don't think he was saying it to a friend of his, which was classy of him. No word yet on how Ms. Delevingne will react to the news that she's not a standout beauty, but we're imagining it'll come as at least a mild shock.