What It's Really Like To Lose Your Virginity On Your Wedding Night

Photographed by Megan Madden.
While it was once unheard of to know someone who'd had premarital sex (or, at least, someone willing to admit it), many millennials would now be hard-pressed to point toward someone who waited to have sex. It seems that the old idiom, "Why would anyone buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" has been replaced with, "Why buy the car before you take it for a test drive?"
While both idioms bring funny images to mind, they're far from light-hearted. At their roots, both sayings attempt to police other people's sexual choices, whether that's through telling them that it's bad to have sex before marriage, or that it's dumb to marry someone before you know whether or not they're good in bed.
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Many people on the "don't buy the car" side claim that not having sex before marriage means that you risk tying yourself to someone who can't give you what you want. But, how true is that, really? We looked to the kind people of Reddit to tell us what it's really like to lose your virginity on your wedding night. As one person wisely pointed out, "sexual compatibility is something you and your partner create together, not an attribute you possess." So, let's stop with the judgement on both sides and just let people live.
Read on for 13 stories from people who lost their virginity on their wedding night.
1 of 13

I had relationships end because I wanted to wait to have sex.

"I had an atypically strict religious upbringing, and even after I left that part of my life behind, I ended up with a lot of anxiety and hangups about sex. I had relationships end because I wanted to wait to have sex, but there are definite advantages. My wife and I share an intimacy that no one else has ever been a part of. We've been married for 15 years in November.

"My only real regret is that I made the decision out of fear of judgement and punishment and I don't think that intimacy should have anything to do with fear." — CromCruach1
2 of 13

It made sex this other thing in our relationship.

"I waited. 10/10 would not do it again. It made sex this other thing in our relationship. Instead of just something that we did. I also had to go from 'that's bad' to 'that's good,' which is a very difficult transition to make mentally. It can take a long time.

"If I could do it over, I wouldn't wait. Not so much because I think sex is great, but because I would have wanted sex to feel like a normal thing instead of thinking of it as something that's dirty and bad now, but will be good later." — Innerouterself
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3 of 13

I personally feel like it made us closer.

"My husband and I both waited, mainly for religious reasons. First, though, I think it's important that even though I was raised religious, sex was never 'bad' or 'dirty,' but more of something special to share between husband and wife. Because of that, I never had the hangups some people experience.

"I think our first time wasn't necessarily any better or worse than it would have been any other time, really. We were somewhat awkward virgins, and it was pretty painful for me at first, but it didn't take long for us to get the hang of things and now it's incredible.

"I personally feel like it made us closer because we got to learn about ourselves and our preferences together. It's easy to try new things, because everything we've ever done together was new for both of us. Obviously, I've never been on the other side of the experience, so I can't say waiting was better or worse, but if I had it to do over I would absolutely still wait." — Author-in-Scarlett
4 of 13

Waiting for sex was important to us, so the awkward and difficult stuff was easier to put up with.

"Having sex with my husband for the first time was weird, but good. We read advice and got tips. We also knew that waiting for sex was important to us because of our personal values, so the awkward and difficult stuff was easier for us to put up with and work on.

"I would much rather have lost my virginity and learned how to have good sex with my husband whom I love, than with some guy in high school or (as my friend did) someone [I] met at a party." — eucalyptusmacrocarpa
5 of 13

I believe that sex is a spiritual experience.

"My wife and I believe that sex is a spiritual experience. We waited until marriage to have sex, and we could not have been happier. I know that most people would judge us as religious nut-jobs and whatnot, but we chose to believe that there's more to sex than the physical experience. We believe that for us humans there should also be the emotional element which elevates the experience to something more special." — computer_is_hard
6 of 13

Sexual compatibility is something you and your partner create together.

"My wife and I were both virgins when we married after five years of dating. We've only been married three years, but we don't regret it in the slightest. 'Sexual compatibility' is something you and your partner create together, not an attribute you possess." — scolbert08
7 of 13

Epic disappointment for both parties.

"On our wedding night, I suppose from all the commotion and stress from the wedding, my husband came down with a high fever about the same time we made it to our hotel room. So, we just ordered in a pizza and went to sleep.

"The next day though, we gave it a whirl... or tried, I should say.

"I'm not entirely sure how much of it was because of our inexperience and how much of it was because of my husband's disability (mild cerebral palsy), but we couldn't get it in. Tried and failed and switched positions and tried and failed until we gave up and just did other things. Epic disappointment for both parties as far as having real sex goes...

"It's like, you wait your whole life for that one moment, and then it just doesn't work out the way you had imagined." — i-am-willow
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8 of 13

It hurt for a second and it was over another second later.

"My husband and I were both virgins when we got married. We finally lost the V-card three days after the wedding.

"On our wedding night, he couldn't get the right angle to get in and had a premature detonation. I was too shy to help guide him in. He said, 'Shit! I'm so sorry!' and then we went to sleep. Repeat for a few days until finally BOOM! It hurt for a second, and it was over another second later. We've been married 10 years now, we're happy and have a good, healthy sex life. I think we're both rather easygoing and found it rather funny. It helped that neither of us had high expectations that it was going to be magic the first few (50) times. We still tease each other about it now." — Ranucolo
9 of 13

It was NOT the best sex ever, not even close.

"I'd rate it a solid 10/10. Not because of the sex — because it was NOT the best sex ever, not even close — but because I enjoyed figuring out this new and surprisingly complicated thing with my husband. It was enjoyable and fun despite not having mind-blowing orgasms. Also we ate a whole pizza in the huge Jacuzzi tub during the pre- and post-sexy times. I'd recommend that to everyone." — Inexperiencedascrap
10 of 13

We sometimes seem to forget that it's just a thing we can do.

"It was ... fine. The most awkward part was that both of us forgot lube and texted the maid of honour, asking her to go to a store and get us some.

"The big problem that we have is that we were together for four years before we got married, so we got really good at not having sex. Even after being married for a few years we sometimes seem to forget that it's just a thing we can do instead of watching old Futurama or Top Chef." — FingersMcGee14
11 of 13

We went to our hotel, ordered Pizza Hut, she changed into lingerie, and I waited on the bed.

"My wife and I both waited until our wedding night, and it was honestly fantastic because we were always honest about our expectations. A couple months before the wedding, she went to her Ob/Gyn and told him her plan. He gave her a series of plastic 'expanders' that increased in size, basically just cheap, plastic dildos. They started out really small and increased to be about average penis size to stretch her out beforehand. This resulted in a much more pleasurable and pain-free experience for her.

"We also had a variety of condoms (ribbed, flavoured, etc) and oil to use. My best friend had also given me some tips on how to make sure I didn't ejaculate too early, which was very helpful.

"We went to our hotel after the wedding, ordered Pizza Hut, she changed into lingerie, and I waited on the bed. We both got to know each other a bit more, and then had a great first time. So basically, if you're waiting, just be prepared, talk with each other about expectations, see your Ob/Gyn, have lots of ideas of things you wanna try, and have fun." —I_am_not_a_burrito
12 of 13

Our wedding night was awesome and hilarious.

"My husband and I were both virgins when we got married. I was a very plain 19 year old and he was 25 and never had the opportunity. Our wedding night was awesome and hilarious. When we got to the hotel, I put on my brand new silk nightgown and he turned on the radio. We started getting used to the new freedom when 'Let's get Physical' by Olivia Newton John came on the radio. We felt it was a sign and just went for it. We were giggling so much. We made love three times the first night, and the same song came on during each session. It made it so memorable. It has been 35 years, and that song still makes us laugh and run to the bedroom. The sex is still awesome." — bethesda1313
13 of 13

We played Rock Paper Scissors for who would take their clothes off first.

"My husband and I were both virgins when we got married. We were very excited, not only to have sex for the first time, but to get to live in the same house and go to sleep in the same bed. Up until we got married, we never spent time alone together in his apartment or my dorm.

"It wasn't as if we just had great sex immediately (I was painfully tight and also a bit fearful, and he couldn't last for very long), but that didn't really matter. We talked openly, spent time together, touched each other, enjoyed being together, and laughed a lot (we played Rock, Paper, Scissors for who would take their clothes off first).

"So honestly, the first night in terms of sex was pretty disappointing, but neither of us were disappointed because we weren't just looking forward to sex, we were looking forward to being married. And, we were thrilled that we were finally married and got to live together!" — GetOutTheWayBanana
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