I Put My Horoscopes To The Test & This Is How Accurate They Were

photographed by Megan Madden.
Until fairly recently, I didn't know my star sign. True story. Never read 'em, never wondered, never cared. The response I get when I disclose this to others is very similar to how I react when people tell me they've never seen Star Wars ("What? You're lying. How the fuck did this happen?") and it started to make me question if I was missing out on something.
I wasn't sure what horoscopes did for people – offer life-changing advice? A push in the right direction? Or just LOLs? So I set myself a little challenge: to read my horoscope every day for five days in a row and write about how accurate/helpful/fun it was. And OH MY CHRIST if any hardcore horoscope readers say this approach is not scientific, I will cry hot little tears all over my Pret avocado and brie toastie.
Right, here we go. Hold my hand...

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