Something terrible has happened. It's the good brand of terrible, though. It's the type of terrible that you can't take your eyes off. The sort of A-grade awful that is so beautifully catastrophic to watch, all you can do is laugh manically, pause for a bit of a cry, then laugh once more at the ridiculousness of it all. The first full trailer for Cats, the new star-studded film adaptation of the famous musical, landed on the internet last night. It is outrageous. It is also brilliant, if only for the sheer CGI absurdity that has prompted the most inspired memes of 2019.
Allow me to break down what happened for you. Some bloke in Hollywood woke up one day and said to themselves, "Wouldn't it be jokes if we got two of the most well respected British actors, popped them in a musical with, oh, I don't know, that Swift girl, and see who else we can convince to come on board?" So they did it. Sir Ian McKellen and Dame Judi Dench are joined by, yes, Taylor Swift, Jennifer Hudson (they needed her voice, to be fair), Idris Elba and, um, sorry... James Corden and Jason Derulo?
The result is terrifying and hilarious. A nightmare that is also kind of genius. Cats too small to be cats as we know them IRL are roaming the streets of London with human breasts and tails seeming to grow from deep within their anuses. Their human faces both stand out and blend into their fur at the same time. The choreography looks insane, which makes the whole thing a little more disarming because whatever we thought we were getting when we first heard about this new version of the classic show, this doesn't quite seem to be it. Lost for further words, we turn to Twitter, a platform whose true purpose has just been realised. This is why the new Cats trailer is the best and worst thing to have happened to the internet. Thank you, cinematic gods, for giving the world wide web a greater purpose today. Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber and T.S. Eliot, we can only apologise.