Another way to think about forgiveness, Heather says, is to focus on our own responses, reactions and involvement in the wrongdoing that occurred. "Just to be clear," she notes, "it’s not that as the 'victim' we have done anything wrong, it's just that we blame ourselves anyway and this is part of what keeps us trapped. It is often the self-blame or the shame that prevents us moving on. We get stuck in a trap between blaming ourselves and blaming the other person. In my therapy with clients, I tend to talk about 'letting go of the struggle' rather than forgiveness. When we can let go of the struggle about blame and self-blame, we are free to take our lives forward in whichever direction we want to go."