Not every kid writing a letter to Santa Claus is asking for a Nintendo Switch. Some are just penning a letter to St. Nick in order to berate him for his non-existence.
Heavy? You bet...but also, completely hilarious.
Per Scary Mommy, NPR reporter Sarah McCammon's six-year-old son is not here for the Santa Claus lie. Alas, there's only so much agency that a six-year-old has, so when he was tasked with penning a letter to the North Pole resident, he obliged. However, the child made it very clear that he was no fan of the fictional character.
Well, that's one way to ensure a stocking full of coal.
On Sunday, McCammon took to Twitter to share her son's mildly disturbing letter. He wrote:
"Dear Santa, I’m only doing this for the class. I know your notty list is emty. And your good list is emty. and your life is emty. You don’t know the trouble I’ve had in my life. Good bye."
To be fair, the child did sign off with a pleasant greeting of "love," even if it was then signed with a particularly snotty "I'm not telling you my name."
Oh, and in case you were wondering what "trouble" the kid was referring to in his letter, McCammon was quick to clear that up.
"PS - the 'troubles' in his life? His brother. Don't call child services."
One has to wonder why the child has such a deep animosity for Santa Claus, considering that he doesn't think he exists at all. Maybe that's just it: Perhaps the kid is on the fence about his belief, and he thinks that by offending Santa Claus just enough, the bearded man will finally make his presence known.
It's a risk, of course, because, if Santa is the real deal, McCammon's son just scored himself a place on the naughty list. Then again, I don't know how Santa's workshop defines "naughty" or "nice" these days — perhaps the six-year-old's unapologetic candour will earn him accolades in the old man's eyes.
Here's hoping that the six-year-old finds a way to get back into the holiday spirit...or at least, makes peace with the concept of Santa Claus.