It's generally awkward when Hollywood makes a biopic about a person who is still alive. It's also awkward when that person is Queen Elizabeth II. And it's really, really, really awkward when said biopic shows said queen going downtown on Prince Philip.
Don't tell us we're the only The Crown viewers who spat out our tea and scones during that episode 7 scene in which Prince Philip (Matt Smith) commands HRH (Claire Foy) to "get on your knees." Not only does she not whack him in the royal jewels with her sceptre, but she adopts a saucy grin and, as we're left to infer, complies. Oh, Lilibet, you little minx.
Yes, we're aware that the couple, still going strong in their 90s, have four children. The O.G. Elizabeth was the Virgin Queen; Elizabeth II was the queen who married a Greek stud with a wicked sense of humor. That said, we weren't expecting blow jobs at Buckingham Palace, naked booty shots of Prince Philip, or romantic romps in Kenya. It's not quite as jarring as the reptilian Duke of Windsor's "shall we fuck?" to Wallis, but y'know, we won't be thinking of corgis next time we see ol' Liz and Phil.
Just imagine actually being in the royal family. Are Will and Kate binge-watching this like every other couple? Will this dampen Harry's enthusiasm for "Netflix and chill" nights, or will he be too busy snickering over all the "Regina" jokes in his head? And is the monarch herself planning to watch? We'll probably never know.
For now, this is the closest we've come to having a royal sex tape out, and we're totally fine with keeping it that way. Lie back and think of England, chaps.
AdvertisementADVERTISEMENT