Harry Potter And The Human Condition

Harry Potter, illustrious Auror and your pretend boyfriend since the age of eight, is turning 34. Can you believe it? Neither can he — so much life and youth, gone by in a flash. When you pack that much action into the first 17 years, the rest tends to pass kind of slowly, doesn't it?
See, the odd thing is, faced wtih his own mortality on a yearly (if not daily) basis, young Mr. Potter never had much chance to think about existentialism as it pertains to the mundanities of everyday life. It's one thing to make all sorts of moral proclamations when you're a war hero, but what about after the fanfare dies down? How will our hero keep it up in the face of endless poopy diapers, gray hairs, marital squabbles, and all the other things that inevitably come to pass in his adult life?
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Because J.K. Rowling is busy with other things, we came up with a new series for her, a slightly darker take on Harry Potter at 34. It's called Harry Potter and the Human Condition, and it might bum you out, but imagine how he feels.
1 of 10
Illustrated by Ly Ngo.
Looks like somebody just found out about French philosophy!
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Illustrated by Ly Ngo.
One silent tear rolls down his cheek.
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3 of 10
Illustrated by Ly Ngo.
POKE.
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Illustrated by Ly Ngo.
All ingredients locally sourced from a magical hothouse in Godric's Hollow, of course.
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Illustrated by Ly Ngo.
"Dude, it's, like, so true."
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Illustrated by Ly Ngo.
Dumbledore is the Yellow King.
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Illustrated by Ly Ngo.
At least he has those cool sneakers.
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8 of 10
Illustrated by Ly Ngo.
"It's a commentary on our society's obsession with monogamy."
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Illustrated by Ly Ngo.
This is going to require some therapy.
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Illustrated by Ly Ngo.
Answer: It would be awesome.
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