6 Ways To Have More Spiritually Fulfilling Sex

Photographed by Lula Hyers.
If you've recently felt the urge to have your pet's tarot cards read or to commit to a magical fitness routine, you're not alone. Millennial women are continuing to find new ways to imbue a greater sense of spirituality into their everyday lives — and, according to seeress and shaman Deborah Hanekamp of Mama Medicine, their sex lives should not be exempt from those other-worldly benefits.
You could start small by lighting more candles before doing the deed or setting a sex resolution based on your Zodiac sign, but if you and your partner really wish to start having more intimate, spiritually satisfying sex, your efforts may be best directed outside of the bedroom.
Advertisement
Hanekamp says that feeling deeply connected to your partner means accepting them as they are and receiving their needs as warmly as you do your own. Sure, she says, sex is part of it, but if you're lacking this kind of mutual understanding, you might not feel as spiritually bonded between the sheets as you could.
Hanekamp describes spiritually profound sex as the sort where the couple is interested in plumbing each other's depths on what she calls a "cosmic level." Sex where both people are only interested in instant gratification — rather than sensual exploration — won't allow for such a connection, she says.
Through her couple's medicine readings, in which she offers spiritual counsel couples in a private setting, Hanekamp aims to help people reconnect to their relationship and find a greater sense of themselves within it. Ahead, Hanekamp explains how to cultivate a deeper spiritual connection between you and your partner — and start having better sex.
1 of 6
Keep your space sacred.

"The bedroom should be the least cluttered place of the house," Hanekamp says, invoking an old rule of feng shui. So avoid keeping old mail, too many books, or a ton of gadgets near your bed. They'll just distract you from your partner. "A very minimal, simple room will lead to more intimacy," Hanekamp says. "Everyone in the relationship will feel like they have more room just to be."
2 of 6
Go with the roses.

If you're at all on the crystal bandwagon, you've probably heard of rose quartz, the Kardashian-approved, millennial pink version of regular clear quartz. It's something of a trend, but for a good reason. "By this point, we probably all have rose quartz crystals," Hanekamp says, adding that this ubiquitous healing crystal is actually perfect for cultivating feelings of openness, connection, and safety between partners.

Keep a small rose quartz on your nightstand, or if you're feeling adventurous, splurge on a dildo made of the stuff. If you prefer flowers to stones, Hanekamp says a vase of fresh roses will help promote similar feelings in your bedroom.
Advertisement
3 of 6
Engage all the senses.

The first step toward connecting with your partner on a spiritual and, of course, sexual level can be as simple as cooking a meal together, Hanekamp says. Between smelling and tasting food you've made yourself, you're also attending to each other's most basic needs — everyone's got to eat. Such an activity, she says, "speaks to the instincts and the senses on such a primal level that then that primal sexual act will become that much more clear and focused." In other words, adding more sensual experiences to your everyday life as a couple will help to intensify your explicitly sexual experiences.
4 of 6
Get a little nostalgic.

You and your partner already share a meaningful relationship. Sometimes, having more intimate and spiritual sex is just a matter of reminding each other of the bond you share. Hanekamp suggests invoking shared experiences — like the last vacation you took together or even your first date — in and out of the bedroom. Depending on your relationship, taking a stroll down memory lane might look like scrolling through your #TBTs, wearing your old go-to scent, or putting on your college hookup playlist to heat things up.
5 of 6
Swap feelings — and be honest.

During a couple's reading, Hanekamp makes communication (the "big C," as she calls it) a key lesson. She'll speak with each person separately to get an idea of where they respectively stand in the relationship, and then she'll sit down with them together to have a conversation that hashes out both partners' needs.

"Communication is not just speaking about our feelings," she says. "It’s about also listening to the other's." And, she adds, striving for a balanced approach to communication, in which each person listens as much as they speak, will lead to a greater sense of acceptance and balance in the relationship overall, which often leads to, yes, better sex.
6 of 6
Make your time together count.

Hanekamp always sends her clients away with "spiritual homework," which, in many couples' cases, addresses how they spend their time together outside of the bedroom. As often as she recommends partners spend more time with each other ("If one person is running out to the grocery store, go with them"), Hanekamp will also urge other pairs to give each other more space. Either way, the goal is the same: to help both people appreciate their shared experiences more, and to prevent anyone from taking their time together for granted.

In addition to their assignment, Hanekamp will send couples home with a blend of teas, essential oils, crystals, and salts for a spiritual bath. She says it's up to the couple to decide whether they take their bath together or not, but if you ask us, a steamy, soothing bath sounds like the perfect precursor to some very intimate sex.
Advertisement