Okay, we’ve all wondered what we look like during sex: Am I making a weird face? Is my hair doing that staticky thing again?? When’s the last time I shaved my arm pits?! Be it a question of frank curiosity or a matter of self-consciousness, the optics around sex can absolutely make it hard to be present.
“It’s normal to feel distracted by what we look like [during sex], — what ‘sexy’ is, or what ‘sexy’ isn’t,” says Brandi Sellerz, certified doula, founder of online sex positivity forums Mothers In Color and Not So Private Parts, and mother of three. “But we have to find ways to block out that noise.”
As she sees it, improving our sex lives — and quieting some of our mental hang-ups around sex — requires candor. If we spend more time talking openly about sex, we’ll spend less time stuck in our heads while we’re…getting it on.
That’s why, in this installment of R29’s Sex Talk — a video series devoted to advice column-style Q&As about the more taboo topics under the umbrella of intimacy — Sellerz is offering tons of answers to some of the hard-to-ask sex questions we’ve all been avoiding addressing: How do you bring up condom usage with your partner? How does Plan B One-StepⓇ emergency contraception actually work — and should you be splitting the cost? Should you keep emergency contraception on hand if you're in a committed relationship?
Watch the video, below, for frank, digestible answers to all of the above (and more).