Alexis Auleta, Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Asking your fiancé if he’s “open” to the idea of an open relationship isn’t a terrible thing. The arrangement works for plenty of folks as long as everyone is fully on board and committed to moving through the complexities that come with them. But, before going in for the pitch, I would encourage you to really explore your thoughts, feelings, hopes, and expectations about what all this would mean. For example, is this something you’ve always had a curiosity about and are simply taking advantage of a lull in your sex life to give it a go? Or, is it a new idea connected to the idea that this is the only way to bring back that sexual spark? How much of a role do you believe your emotional connection (or disconnection) plays in all of this? What avenues have you tried up until now to rev up your sexual selves up until now? Once you feel you’re clear on what this all means for you and what you’d like to do, it’s then time to put this out there with your partner and be prepared for a host of questions. Likely, he’ll want to know more about how you’ve come to the idea and why as well as what it all means moving forward.
Jennifer Gatti, Licensed Master Social Worker
Okay, time for some harsh truths. You’re definitely not terrible and I guarantee you many people have had this exact same thought before, but I want you to keep thinking it through because this might be more of a stopgap than a solution. Open relationships are not as easy as they sound and take very specific personality traits in order to work. You need to be able to compartmentalize your head from your heart and — to use your words — your lust from your love, and you need to know if he can, too. Because your relationship is about to be taken to the next level of commitment, you need to make sure you have the right level of trust to sustain the marriage, which means you need to come clean as soon as possible before making any sexual suggestions.