Hump, Marry, Kill: Olympic Crush Edition

Hump: FINE, I teared up when the 17-year-old phenom Missy Franklin with the gorgeous grin (when she smiles, I smile...and I don’t smile a lot) won her first individual gold medal in the 100-meter backstroke on Monday, beating out favorite Emily Seebohm of Australia. Franklin’s parents radiated so much pride and love from the stands, it was clear where Missy gets her amazingly positive and upbeat attitude.

She had less than 20 minutes to cool down between the 200-meter freestyle semifinal, in which she swam well enough to qualify for the finals while still preserving her energy, but did she worry? Nope. Franklin was more excited that Michael Phelps came up to high-five her and tell her how impressed he was that she could swim two races so close to one another (the shortest recovery time he’d ever had was half an hour). She’s also turning down an estimated $1 million in endorsements in order to finish her senior year of high school (competing for her school team, natch) and hopefully attend college.

And just when Franklin couldn’t be any more inspiring, the Colorado native (who has turned down the chance to disrupt their lives to move to a state “more well-known for swimming” like California because, as her parents say, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”), announced at a press conference last week that “Every single race I'm going to have that Colorado incident back on my mind...They're in my thoughts this entire process.”

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got something in my eye again.

Marry: At 12-years-old, Gabby Douglas moved away from her mom and family in Virginia Beach so she could train with Shawn Johnson’s former coach in West Des Moines, Iowa. Watching “The Flying Squirrel” rocket over the bars this past week, it’s hard to imagine a time when Gabby’s sister had to talk her out of quitting gymnastics because she was so homesick. Douglas is unbelievably poised and composed in interviews, and she’s another one with a smile that lights up the arena.

Gabby remained ridiculously calm during team finals despite being the only American gymnast to compete in all four events. Oh, and last night she won the individual all-around gold looking ever the champion the entire time. Again, she is 16. When I was 16, well, I wasn’t carrying any teams to gold medals at the Olympics,

or kicking ass and taking Russian names in the all-around.

Oh, and I challenge you to watch her “Thank you, Mom.” P&G commercial without tearing up. It simply can’t be done

Kill: Ryan Lochte: The grill. “Jeah.” His tweets. Everything. Over it.